I don't think he'll ever check back and read this...so, I guess I'll say something. Yah, me dyed meh hairrrr...and um, well it fades like terrible soz :/ well I guess I'll be buying more in the meantime. OMG!! Dude, it costs like 13$ for (omg, i've been writing way too much money symbols in euros lol) nah, but it costs $13 for 2 (JUST TWOOOOOO!!!!) bottles of hair dye oO.
-
-
He just called my surveys cute lol ^^ ok... I can deal with cute.
-
-
OMG...ppl are so weird...like Jeremy lmao XD luff meh friends
-
-
OK...Alex is happy now? lol well...i is be powerfulz kitty? yeshums -_- nah :3 rawrs

Me and my newz hairrrr lol




In wait and awkwardness...so deal...with my pounding heart for him ^^




OMG I foundz a fishy!!! lmao




Wellz...just look at it...it's prettiful :]




Damn fish...oO lmao




...wait a second(?)

About him:

His Birthday:
Feb. 23, 1994

How long have you been together?
about a year, come 13 more days

How long did you know each other before you got together?
like 5 months but we never talked much

What physical features attracted you to him first?:
...his eyes

Hair color:
Black most of the time

Hair style:
Like long? Medium? Oily?

How did you meet?
Online on Tickle

RELATIONSHIP STUFF

How serious is it:
...very serious

Are you in love
<3 totally

Do your parents like him:
Well my mom does, iuno bout my dad

Does it matter?:
Yesh

Do you trust him?
I trust him more than myself

Does he let you wear his pants?
...uh, no lol

Do you have a shirt of his that you sleep with?
Yep...2 of em ^^

Do you like the way he smells:
Mhmm

Can you picture having kids with him:
...well i dont want kids but kinda?

What bothers you the most about him:
his forgetfulness...

Does he have a temper?
he can...but not most of the time

Are you happy to be with him:
:] mhmm

Does he embarrass you in public:
lol...well we embarrass ourselves

SOME OTHER STUFF

Does he have any piercings?:
...i wish lol

Does he have any scars that you know of?:
yeah...like iuno how many

Is he a party dude or stay at home kind of guy?:
id say uh...stay at home? :/

Is he Outgoing or Shy?
both when he wants to be

Does he love his mama?
mhmm :] and i think it's cute

Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends?
...i really have no clue

Does he sing?
well he attempts lol it's adorable ^^

Does he snore?
lmao and slaps me

Do you like his friends?
mhmm...well like 2 of em or something?

CLICK HERE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY!

MySpace Surveys

DIOC stands for Demonic Influence of Cyanide (btw)...

This comes from October, 17 & 18, 2008...back in a time (and still in a time) of depression...

[October 17, 2008 (1:09am)]
Everything is a haze and I only can dare to wonder about its cryptic meaning. First off, what is everything? Definitely not some object that can be located on a shelf, but oh, what an unhappening miracle it would be if it were. And what is haze? Haze, not like fog, but more of something that just sits there and you're not exactly looking at it, but you see it. Surely, if one looks, then you'd find yourself glancing at the end of the haze and to a tree, so not looking it is. But what if the line is exactly as it says it is? What if actually everthing is anything and anything is nothing at all. Or so my saying went a couple of months ago, "everything equals anything and anything equals nothing". But, what is he to me then? If I say he is my everything (which he totally is), then how can I call him nothing? I don't. I wouldn't. He's more than everything though, but...well I don't know how to explain anymore.
Thus, why I am writing you. Maybe in informal lyrics of this song in my heart, I can truly discover the meaning once more...or end up a complete destruction once more. You know, that type where you're literally on the edge and to tell you the truth, I think I still sort of am. I didn't change much. Maybe I went back into a form of pretend...anyways though, nevermind my past, though saying that makes me realize...my past must be my future.
And in that, it's already coming true. I lost one everything, waited a couple of years and found another...and as every story goes it ties up with "the end" and quite tragically, it would prove true in this one. The end. I hate the end. But, it does leave you wondering...what if this isn't the end at all? What if maybe this is death and when you "die", as we think of it, one truly starts living? We wouldn't know. We're always told what one person thinks...what one person believes, how do you think it all started? An opinion. And in that, what's truth when it's all opinions? And all opinions equal false? Gets confusing if you think about it for too long.
But this all adds on to that particular haze, covering everywhere I look...otherwise I'm literally going blind. I don't know, but I'm stuck in the middle of wanting to clear it and keep it. Because, it's most definitely relaxing and no one can find me in it, except everything, then again the haze is around me and my everything. Like a thick blanket...but of what? I have to figure that out too...so I'll make a list!:

TO FIGURE OUT:
1) Why do I feel everything is so hazed?
2) What is my meaning?
3) What more is everything and everything cannot mean nothing so then everything is infinitely more than everything, right?
4) How do I end the haze?
5) Do I want to end it?
6) Just simply...why?

And I'll complete this first entry by questioning who I am. Of course, it's impossible for me to be anybody or deserve anything, yet somehow I've found an influence in this world worth dying for...and I shall not mention his name, but he is everything, as I previously stated. I don't really know how I feel when I'm with him...it's like the world goes bye-bye for a while and then it's a whirlwind of speeding time and angelic graces...and of course, we all know I'm a demonic influence...so me and angels? Well...I can get along, but I'll bite. Anywho...I just well I know how it is when I'm away from everything. Maybe that's what the haze is. A closness, tight bond, but also an extreme distance...it's just so many possiblilies...just wake me when this nightmare ends and everything is here?

Writing lost questons on my arms...and effin bites you -,,-



[October 18, 2008 (1:10am)]
Your life can be thrown upside down in just a mere second. It's amazing really. And completely suckish if you catch the vicious end of it all...and seemingly, I always do. Great...right? >:o fucking pisses me off like crazy, pull your hair out kinda mad. Ugh...I wanna die...great god above, kill me. I hate this. He lied. Didn't he? What else did he lie about? He doesn't care? He doesn't love me? Yeah...probably. Good fucking god, I need to die...don't I? Maybe I can choke...get that red demonic look and then finally end it all...or not end it...just make it a living hell for others, but see I can't do that...well I could, but I'll end up killing someone I care about, I know...and I'd hate it...then again, I'd have more of a reason to die, but I guess I won't...

Well fucking "nevers" never come true...:'[ so I effin hate them too...damn them to hell...or should I say heaven? Poor things...just confused as I am. Ugh. *wants to find a gun and pull the trigger* ...Well...if ever I do...best leave some effin hint...eh?

And watch it...you're eyes will be on this...and you won't even feel a tinge of pain...or sorrow...great, like I care right? Totally. You're probably just like them. You're not different. Either you're a wannabe or a person who thinks they are different. Well a hint to you, you can't BE different. You CAN'T be yourself...they won't let you. They never let you. And they'll kill you in the end. You know they will. And in that split second you're falling away to whatever waits...or doesn't...then tell me you won't think of someone? Tell me you won't think of something?
Cause if you think about it...what really ever mattered before? Nothing. Great...it's all lies right? Yep. So stop lying to yourself...or just keep lying and pretending and thinking you can handle yourself but you'll come to realize...you'll NEVER handle yourself right. Congrats. You killed me. Again. You're not stopping it. Thanks. Bout the only good thing that ever came from you.

Biting and sucking my arm...cause I just pierced it with lines of scissors...they cry crimson tears for you...and you don't even know you caused them :'[

I guess I haven't written in here since like June...haha, so long ago, I don't even remember -_-

I miss him...but he's like right there. Ugh. Nvm.

We dunnoz who I am anymore and like a million things have happened. So, needless to say them all, I guess.

LOVE you, Awex ^^
Luff you, Steven
Lurve yew, brother, Jamesy lolz...I miss you and I wish you could get back online...:/

IN MY MEMORIES FOREVER

I'll always love you guys:

Grandma Peggy (R.I.P. Forever. I wish you could still be here to guide me through the hard times. I really need you...)

Sporky...Demetrius (...I'll never forget you :'[ Will never forget those stupid times :'])

Rose (Still remember you and I'll never forget that paper-clip incident *laughs sadly*)

Beverly (:'] You crazy lady...hope it continues on forever *hugs* We miss you)

Great-Grandma Jeffcoat (You might not have remembered me because of your amnesia, but I still love you because you brought forth my life, my world, and my reason for 10 years and the rest of my life :'] Love you)

Rhoswen (Even though you were apart of me...and who died off...I'm still needing you everyday, but I can't let you come back -sigh- I'm sorry...)

Dogs: Roxy, Dixon, Biscuit, Maverick, Junior, Blackie, Bo, Pixie, Dixie, Trixie, Pretty, Lucky Charm, Rahrah, Missy, Blackfoot, Brownie, Hudson (Will still love and remember all your unique personalities like you were human -don't worry, you will always be like family to me :']-

Horses: Sunny, Coney, Dixie and Dakota (Even though you committed suicide, Sunny...and Dakota, blindness to death...and Coney, another suicide, and Dixie...old age, I'll keep you always in my memory. I miss you all.)

Cats: Well...just Nibbles (lol your reincarnation...lol I love you :'] and won't forget all the Rafter Christmas's)



I guess I'll write more later...for Steven lol ^^

1. Is your myspace profile private?
yesh

2. What do you carry with you at all times?
meh cell phone

3. Who was the last person you talked to in person?
meh brother

4. Have you ever hung out with someone of the opposite sex?
no duh

5. Do you have anything to complain about?
totally lol

6. Is someone mad at you right now?
prolly, but like i care o_O

7. Where are you most ticklish at?
ok...there is one place and cha...i say i'm not partially cause no one can ever find where i am lol muhahaha

8. When was the last time you were sick?
right now *cough*

9. What did you accomplish today?
nothing new

10. Who has the ability to hurt you most?
meh Alex, but i hope he wouldn't try to for fun lol (unless u feel that way lol damn ima shut up now lol)

11. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
sleeping...

12. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
er...surveys

13. Are you single or taken?
totally taken and luffin it

14. Do you like your life as of now?
yah, then again...not really

15. Last thing you purchased?
nutella lol

16. Have you ever drank alcohol?
...cha

17. How's your heart lately?
growing...slowly lol

18. Who did you last hug?
idr...

19. Ever kissed someone who smokes?
no

20. Did you have a good birthday last year?
not really

21. Are you tired right now?
totally

22. Do you chew on your straws?
all the time lol

23. Have you ever been called a tease?
nope

24. Three days from now will you be in a relationship?
i hope to still be in the one i'm in now o_O

25. Who was at your house last besides family?
er...the electricity guy o_O

26. Who will you be with Saturday?
i dunno

27. Is tomorrow going to be a good night?
if it was anything like it was today...lol totally

28. How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
they r beneficial but couldn't compare to personality

29. How is your latest ex?
crazy and an ass

30. Do you tell your best friend EVERYTHING?
mainly everything...he knows most everything about me lol

31. Are you happy at the moment?
could be happier

32. Ever licked someone's cheek?
dude lol...yah

33. Whats the connection between you and the last person that texted you?
i love him to death lol

34. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
um...i seriously have to answer this? lol too many things

35. Have you ever been given roses?
yah...

36. How many times have you honestly fallen deeply in love?
once and still am

37. Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
eh...probably

38. What's your current problem?
my mom

39. Who was the last person you held hands with?
i dunno

40. Who was the last person you kissed?
no one?

41. Would you kiss the last person you kissed?
uh...

42.Would you kiss someone on ur top?..
does that even make sense?

43. Have you ever had a song written about you?
...yah

A Good Survey, NOT the over used questions, you wil tell ur life story in this great for myspace!!!!
Name?:	Ashleigh
Wish your name was?:	Artemis
Age?:	14
Wish your age?:	...like 16
What color hair do you have?:	black
What color hair do you want?:	black
what color eyes do you have?:	green-blue
what color do you want?:	pure blue
I fyou could change one thing about your body what would it be?:	um...i dunno
If you could change one thing about yourself mentally what would it be?:	not to be such a perv lol
If you could have one super power what would it be?:	...flying
If you could live one fairy tale which one would it be?:	um i think Sleeping Beauty
Who would you sacrafice your life for?:	Alex
Who do you love the most?:	Alex
Is the saying true blood is thicker than water?:	probably
If you could be with one person in the world who would it be?:	Alex
If you could bring one person back who would it be?:	meh grandmother...then again, so selfish of me
If you could wish one person out of your life who would it be?:	...um...i dunno
Who do you hate the most?:	the most, that damn fish
Love the most?:	Alex
Miss the most?:	Peggy
Have the most fun with?:	Alex lol
Would spend your life with?:	Alex
Would spend your life without?:	...?
Who have you know the longest?:	meh family
Who is most like you?:	Alex
Who is your opposite?:	...Steven
Who looks most like you?:	used to be Kayla...but not anymore
What celeberty would you want to be if any?:	i dunno
What celeberty do you look most like?:	...?
Are you high matnance?:	nope
what is more important looks or personality honesty?:	personality
Is honesty always the best policy?:	most of the time
How many people have you dated this year?:	3
How many people have you asked out this year?:	like 2
How many people have you turned down this year?:	...eh, 2
If you had only one friend who would it be?:	Alex
If you could eat anything right now what would it be?:	...Alex...omg wait...lol um, a strawberry
Do you love your friends or family more?:	friends probably
What is your favorite band?:	The Used or Bullet for My Valentine
What is your favorite song?:	Poison - Prodigy
What sterotype are you ?:	emopunothic...my own stereotype
What sterotype would you like to be?:	nothing...if u pick, you'll definitly be a poser eh? o_O
Did you ever cut yourself purposely?:	totally
Did you ever cry to get out anger?:	yah
Did you ever cry over a boy/girl?:	many times
Are you a virgin?:	yah
Do you have a boyfriend?:	yesh
How long would you want to keep your virginity?:	...depends?
If you lost it already do you regret it?:	always had it
If you could change one point in your life would you?:	nope
What religion are you?:	my own
How do you feel today?:	sick
If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?:	Kansas lol
If you had to be one of your friends sisters/brothers who would you pick?:	...um i dunno
What is your favorite candy?:	idk
What is your favorite kind of guy/girl .... sterotype?:	emo/punk/skater/goth?
How long do you like your relatioships to last?:	...i dunno
How tall would you like your boyfriend/girlfriend?:	height doesn't matter
about how much would you like them to be, toothpick,skinny,average,bigger?:	skinny-average?
How did your last relationshp end?:	...him calling me a damn slut...w/e
Do you miss it?:	hell no
Were your ever really in love?:	still am
whats the last thing you would say to one person b/4 dieing?:	well saying "i love you" to that one person would be so conformist, but i would do it lol
If you were in love would you get married before college?:	...depends
Do you have more guy friends or girl friends?:	guy friends
If you could be at any point in your life what would it be?:	nothing...was all going to happen anyways
If you had to pick a way to die how would it be?:	like i dunno
Do you like yourself?:	nope then again yah
What do you wish to become someday?:	...?
Do you trust people easily?:	idk
How important is school to you?:	u know i just don't know
What song are you listening to right now?:	nothing
If you could talk to anyone now who would it be?:	Alex
Delivery is at the door at your house who is it from ?:	...um...?
what is your perfect date like?:	i dunno but hell, nothing is ever perfect o_O
if you could completely change who you are would you?:	nope
would you be friends with yourself?:	probably
Do you talk to people often?:	totally
Are your romantic?:	i think i am
Do you talk bout your dreams?:	to some ppl
Do you dream often?:	not really
Do you ever pray?:	to who?
Did you ever cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend?:	...meh last one, not doing that again though
How many hours do you spend on myspace?:	like a small amount
What is the layout?:	...some emo thingy, i need to change it then again, i don't want to
What is the song?:	...nothing
Do you know everybody on your myspace friends?:	nope
Do you like everybody on your myspace friends?:	eh...idk
Do you like who you are becoming?:	probably. probably not. i dunno
What is the most important thing in your life?:	Alex
what would you never change about yourself?:	...i dunno
When was the last time you cried?:	like three days ago
Do you think the guy should always pay?:	nope
What is your favorite movie?:	hackers?
What movie sucked the most?:	...some frickin kid movie
Who is your favorite actress?:	?
Who is your favorite actor?:	i dunno
If you could change one thing in our world what would it be?:	everything
Do you have any bad habits?:	prolly
Do you think your fat?:	in a way
Are you overweight?:	nope...simply normal o_O whatever the hell that is
What was the last thing you ate?:	...some kinda alfredo noodles
What is better mcdonalds/burgerking?:	...neither
Would you date Ron off of harry potter? /guy,hermoinie off harry potter?:	nope
Woud you date a guy/girl with freckels?:	doesn't matter
if you could star in one movie what would it be?:	...meh own?
Who do you want to be like?:	myself?
what word best describes yourself?:	different
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

A Better Survey Than Most Others
I Am
Your Name?:	Ashleigh
Nicknames?:	Ash or fuzzles...many others too
Where were you born?:	Columbia, SC
Current Location?:	Orangeburg, SC...
What level of Education have you completed?:	all the way until 11th
Are you going to further your education from there?:	yah
Have any tattoos or piercing, and if so, what?:	...meh ears
Do you wear glasses or contacts?:	nope
Do you dye your hair?:	yah
Your eyes are the color...:	green-blue
Do you like your hair longer or shorter? What length is it now?:	like...i dunno
Are you on the taller side, or the shorter side? Should I define side?:	shorter side...um...
What's your body type?:	like a bit below-average o_O
The best accomplishment you've had to this point?:	...uh, i dunno
The most daring thing you've ever done?:	...dude, i do a ton of daring things
Your best and worst habits?:	lol...summed all up in one...eh, only alex would know lol
Or
Glass Half Empty, or Half Full?:	omg..it's totally empty
Are you more funny or serious?:	both
Daring or Cautious?:	...both?
Indoors or Outdoors?:	indoors...though gotta love the outdoors...
High Maintainence or Plain Jane/Average Joe?:	plain jane
Walk or Drive?:	walk
Football or Baseball?:	...neither
Basketball or Hockey?:	neither
Museum or Aquarium?:	aquarium...so sick of the museums
A boat or an airplane?:	airplane
Cats or Dogs?:	...both?
Silver, Gold, or Platinum?:	silver...
My Favorite
Color?:	black
Food?:	i dunno
Thing to Wear?:	whatever alex desires lol
Smell?:	u know, i dunno...
Sound?:	omg...ur asking me this now?
Memory?:	...i really have some sad, great ones...that i love
Movie?:	i dunno
Actor/Actress?:	no one
Car?:	something noninvented
Sport?:	...?
Athlete?:	dude...i dunno
Song?:	something by The Used
Food?:	u just asked me that o_O
Non-Alcoholic Drink?:	...sprite
Alcoholic Drink?:	i dunno
Restaurant?:	like i care
Place?:	somewhere with ppl
School Subject?:	science, i think or english
Season?:	winter
Animal?:	red panda's
Your relationship potential... You would prefe He or She should have or be?
Eye Color:	brown or blue
Height:	like i dunno
Weight:	i dunno
Style?:	different
Piercings? Tattoos?:	their choice
Body Type?:	...whatever fits them...preferably the same or less than me
Bad to the Bone, or Soulful Poet?:	...both lol love those topsy-turvy ppl
City or Country Style?:	...city
Have You Ever?
Smoked?:	no
Drank?:	yah
Been so drunk you don't remember what happened?:	nope
Done Drugs?:	no
Stolen Anything?:	maybe o_O
Gone Skydiving?:	nope
Gone Skinny Dipping?:	no
Been in a fight?:	yah, with meh brother
Gambled?:	nope
Made a snowman?:	yah
Seen the Ocean?:	totally
Been out of the country?:	cha
Kept a secret for a friend?:	all the time
Lied to make a friend feel better?:	sometimes
Danced or Played in the Rain?:	both...yah
Been on Stage?:	too many times
Been on t.v.?:	yah
Been in the newspaper?:	yesh
Met a celebrity?:	well kinda sorta
Been fired?:	nope
Visited your State Capital:	yah
Been in Love?:	still am
Had your heart broken?:	yah
Been in a car accident? (Yeah? Tell me about it!):	...dude they hurt my fucking back and didn't say they were sowwi lol
Worn clothes your Mom wouldn't approve of?:	totally
Made Love?:	nope
Wanted to change something about yourself?:	yah
Cried during a movie?:	alot of times
Been to an amusement park?:	yesh
Done something you regret?:	who doesn't?
Told Someone you hated them?:	yepyep
Told Someone you love them?:	still do, all the time
Skipped School or Work for a fun day?:	mhmm
Would You? (Are you, do you?)
Get Married?:	i would...
Have kids?:	depends
Dye your hair blue?:	probably
Shave your head?:	nope
Do something that really scares you?:	yah
Risk your life for someone else?:	like probably only one person
Fly to the moon?:	yah
Learn another language?:	already did
Random
Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?:	u know i never tried, but i probably can
Do you have any regrets?:	yah
Are you going to tell what they are if you do?:	nope lol
Do you like Thunderstorms?:	yesh
Do you think you could live without electricity?:	nope
If you could have any career, what would you choose?:	i dunno
What's the first thing you'd do with 1 million dollars?:	if i had...
Do you think you're attractive?:	i dunno
How often do you shower?:	everyday
Do you like to take baths?:	not really...but i do sometimes
Have you ever been on a slip n' slide?:	yah...stupid thing threw me off and into a damn bed of stickers o_O ouchy
Been snowboarding? Skiing?:	snowboarding...is luff and skiing...well second luff lol
Do you own a cell phone?:	yah
Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?:	alex
Who's the last friend you've helped out?:	...i dunno
Who is your best friend?:	alex
Can you whistle?:	lol very soprano
Can you snap your fingers?:	yesh
What are your biggest fears?:	um...losing alex
Can you handle spicy foods?:	yah...except those goddamn jalapeños
Do you use body wash, or bar soap?:	body wash
Shave on a regular basis?:	yah
Can you ride a bike?:	yah
Can you rollerblade?:	yah
Ever been ice skating?:	hate it
Afraid of heights?:	nope
Can you hold your breath underwater without holding your nose?:	yah
Do you live in a house, apartment, trailer, car, box?:	oh, i totally live in a box...with wireless internet o_O
Do you believe in God?:	well...my god...yah
Have you ever had chicken pox?:	yah...still have a scar right in the middle of meh forehead o_O
Are you right-brained or left-brained?:	...i think left...i dunno idr
Can you sing?:	yah
Are you artistic?:	cha
Are you good at math?:	nope lol...well some like geometry...i love it
Think you could rival Bill Nye?:	nope...but meh brother could
Are you athletic?:	...in meh own way
Have you ever cried at work?:	...school? then yah
Can you flare your nostrils?:	probably
Can you wiggle your ears?:	nope
Almost Done
Is this survey too long?:	not really
Do you think anyone will read the whole thing?:	sowwi if u r reading this now...o_O
Do you make your bed every day?:	nope lol
What's something you always have with you?:	meh phone or iPod
Have you ever bounced a check?:	nope
How often do you brush your teeth?:	everyday
What's the best quality someonoe can have?:	a great personality
Do you think Dane Cook is funny?:	...who?
Do you know who Dane Cook is?:	nope
What are your pet peeves?:	meh brother...
Have you ever broken a bone?:	yah
What's the best thing that's ever happened to you?:	alex
Second best?:	um...meh computer lol
What are you looking forward to the most?:	two weeks...
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

Ultimate Opposite Sex Survey!!
The Perfect Guy Is:
Eye color::	brown or blue
Hair color::	black
Body Type::	like either the same or less than mine
Height::	doesn't matter
Piercings::	...whatever pleases them
Tattoos::	idc
Age::	idk
This or That
Long hair or Short hair:	...either
Punk or Prep:	punk
Funny or Serious:	both
Older or Younger:	...doesn't matter
Romantic or Horndog:	lol...both i guess at times
Flowers and Candy or Big Expensive Present:	flowers and candy o_O
Love or Lust:	love
Sincere or Jokester:	sincere
Sexy or Just Cute:	...idc
Date alone or With Friends:	...depends
Dimples or Eyes:	...wait what?
Artistic or Athletic:	artistic
Rebel or Goody Goody:	rebel lol
Have You Ever
Asked your friend's crush out?:	nope
Asked a guy out purely because he was hot?:	...eh, prolly once when i was younger
Been cheated on?:	yah
Cheated on someone?:	meh ex...but i'm not going to do that again
Had a crush on a gay guy?:	yah lol
Had friends with benefits:	...?
Had a crush on someone in a relationship?:	probably...oh yah
Kissed a stranger?:	nope
Said 'I love you' and meant it?:	yesh..still do
Slept in the same bed as the opposite sex?:	nope
Had sex?:	no
Been called a tease?:	...eh i dunno
Been called hot?:	yah
Do You
Have any guy friends?:	mainly all of them
Have a crush?:	they know it though
Miss someone?:	yah
Perfer holding hands or making out?:	holding hands
Believe in love at first sight?:	eh...not really
Want to get married?:	someday o_O
Bite when you kiss?:	gently lol...then again, like i would know
Miss a past relationship?:	nope
Like to cuddle?:	yah
Random
Are you in a Relationship?:	yah
Who was the Last person you dated?:	...u know i just don't know lol
What makes the opposite sex attractive?:	their hair and personality lol
Is there someone you want to kiss?:	yepyep
Whats the first thing you notice about a guy?:	their hair
How many people have you dated since January?:	...three
Would you be with someone with glasses?:	why not?
Would you do anything for the person you like?:	right now? probably lol
What's really important in a realationship?:	...um probably respect
Do looks matter?:	they're beneficial...but don't necessarily matter
Are you disappointed when your boyfriend doesn't say I love you right away:	...not really...:/
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

OMG...Alex please don't kill me lol:

The Fun Opposite Sex Survey
Name someone of the opposite sex....1?:	Alex
2:	James
3:	Steven
4:	Sean
5:	Jesse
6:	Jake
7:	Steven...(again)
8:	Jordan
9:	Aaron
10:	Ford
11:	Johnathan
12:	Andrew
13:	Tyler
14:	Charlie
15:	Michael
16:	Demetrius
17:	Kyle
18:	Jamie
19:	Trey
20:	Anthony
I will now ask you questions about them... refer back if need to!
Have you kissed number 5?:	nope
Would you ever consider going out with 2?:	eh...he's too old for me
Do you find number 12 attractive?:	used to lol
What is number 6's best feature?:	...dude overall...wow o_O
What do you like about number 10?:	...he's different lol and preppy in his own wya
Do you miss number 20?:	hell no lol
Have you had sex with 2, 8, or 15?:	nope
Has 9 ever hurt you?:	yah...emotionally
Do you think that number 1 is a good friend?:	omg...he's totally a great friend
Do you think that number 17 would be good in bed?:	lol...who knows? (omg...alex is gonna kill me o_O)
Do you wish you could get to know number 5 better?:	i already know him pretty well
Is number 4 funny?:	...totally
Is number 7 cruel?:	omg...dude yah
Do you think that number 11 fancies you?:	he wishes
Do you consider numbers 2, 9, 14 and 19 as good friends?:	just 2
Would you rather snog 2, 5, or 9?:	...um, what?
Would you rather have sex with 8, 3 or 15?:	dude...3 totally wishes...i hate him though lol the other two...eh, none...
Do you think that you and number 5 are soulmates?:	nope
OK some questons where you give the number as your answer...??
Which numbers have you dated?:	like past time: 3, 5, 11, 12, and 20
Which numbers have you had sex with?:	none
Which numbers do you WISH you had sex with?:	...just meh number 1 boy lol...then again, i'm thinking like a perv...
Which numbers the funniest?:	1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 11, and 18
Which numbers the cruelest?:	7, 8, 14, and 20
Which number are you the closest to?:	1, i would like to think lol
Which number would you love to kill?:	3 lol
Which number is the sexiest?:	...1...(but dude...i'm sowwi...6 is too o_O)
Which number is the ugliest?:	i dunno
Which number makes you the most happy?:	1 and 2
Which number is the most sarcastic?:	...dude u'll never hear sarcasm like the ones that come from #16
Which number(s) do you think you will be friends with forever?:	1 and 2
Which number(s) would you consider marrying?:	probably just 1
Which number has the best facial features?:	ok...tie between 1 and 6
Which number has the sexiest body?:	...eh i dunno
Which number has the sexiest 'private parts'?:	...?
Which number has the nicest voice?:	omg, alex (1) i totally love your voice the most
Which number has made you cry?:	...all of them
Which number was the last you spoke to?:	1
Now some questions. You answer if they do/do not etc...
Does number 5 make you laugh?:	sometimes
Does number 12 talk dirty?:	eh...no
Does number 11 scare you?:	lol...in his own way
Does number 16 fine you funny?:	probably
Does number 19 insult you?:	nope
Does number 20 have a crush on you?:	not anymore and if he did...i'd hate him more
Some questions yo[u have to answer about the numbers...?
Who is number 1, 7, 12 and 20's crushes/fancies?:	...i can't really answer that for all of them o_O
How old is number 5?:	i think 14
Is number 11 sexy?:	lol...no, though he thinks he is
What county does number 2 live in?:	...like PA
What programmes does number 13 like?
What habits does number 5 have?:	falling in love with like everyone...
What is 17s favourite number?:	i dunno
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

Let's Be Honesy Now!
You must be Honest to take this Have Fun!
Honestly, are you in love right now?	totally
Honestly, what color is your underwear?	like a light lavender lol (shut up back there lol)
Honestly, what's on your mind right now?	alex...
Honestly, what are you doing right now?	typing in this answer o_O
Honestly, what did you do today?	lost meh mind in pervyness...omg
Honestly, do you think you are attractive?	eh...at times?
Honestly, have you done something bad today?	wow...totally
Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?	nope
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?	not that i can think of
Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?	alex lol
Honestly, do you bite your nails?	i quit when i was 9
Honestly, what is your mood right now?	um...sick?
Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?	alex
Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?	if i did, alex knows it...then again, i prolly do...o_O
Honestly, do you hate someone right now?	well yah
Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?	alex
Honestly, do your wrists hurt?	...cause i cut them?...oh, no...
Honestly, are you in denial?	nope...?
Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?	uh...that would have been earlier today...right now, not so much
Honestly, is it easier to talk on Myspace than in person?	nope...
Honestly, does anyone like you?	to god, i hope so lol
Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?	is it? i think it is
Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?	cha
Take this survey

ABOUT MY BEDROOM SURVEY
Do you have the following in your bedroom?
Condoms:	...if i did, would i tell u? o_O
Cell phone:	yah...i luffles it
Book shelf:	a dusty one
Couch:	...not anymore
Futon:	nope
Computer/laptop:	omg...i love u so much meh laptop lol
Pictures:	what kinda pictures?
Mirror:	four...actually
Skateboard:	...noperoo
Bed:	like a bunk bed...without the bottom...which was a couch o_O
Clothes on the floor:	...not anymore lol
Surfboard:	nope
Smoke detector:	haha...if that was in here, it would go off every night cause i'm so damn hot lol jk
Piano/keyboard/Guitar/bass/drums:	keyboard...
Locking door:	well it locks, but if i lock it, i'll get in trouble lol
Bottle of water:	i wish o_O
Blacklight:	...dude, i totally want one!1
Lava Lamp:	not anymore...i kinda made it go boom lol
Medals/ribbons:	used to...but who cares now?
CDs:	eh...blank ones
Flag:	um...nope
Stop sign/any sign:	no
Paintball gun:	i don't like those evil things
Real Gun:	hellz no
Cigarettes:	nope
Pot:	nope
Any drugs:	what?...well meh drug which is meh cyanide cookies...o_O nope
Alcohol:	nope
Books:	like a billion
ps2:	nope
Xbox:	in meh bros room
Gamecube:	nope
Stereo:	omg...for the last time no
Gum:	i totally wish i had some left
How many windows do you have in ur room:	one
What is the color of your walls?	like a stupid light blue
Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom?	both? o_O
What's on your walls?	random stuff
Has the opposite sex been in your room before?	yah
Has the opposite sex been on your bed?	nope
Has the opposite sex slept in your bed?	and nope
Ever had sex in your bed?	...nope
Who usually sleeps in your bed other than you?	omg...meh pillow!1
Do you like your bedroom:	not really, then again, i totally do
Take this survey

Strange Survey with Strange Questions....
This may just be the most random survey you've ever taken!! Have Fun!
What is your best friend's Mom's name?	...Carol
Where is the weirdest place you have a mole?	uh....i don't think i have one...
Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?	omg..they were all old women!1
Have you ever made out in a movie theater?	nope
What body part do you wash first?	...meh hair
Do you have any peircings?	my ears
What's the strangest talent you have?	uh...strangest?....i dunno
Do you have an innie or an outtie?	innie...
What's your favorite flavored Pringles?	salt & vinegar...totally
Have you ever been tied up?	i wish lol *ideas, alex*...lol
What was the last thing you ever got grounded for?	um...i don't get grounded...i mean, where the hell would i go? o_O...
Do you parallel park or drive around the block?	i don't drive at all...but if i could, parallel park...
Have you ever had two dates in one night?	nope
How many times have you been cussed out?	like a billion
Which shoe do you put on first?	uh...whichever one i grab first
How old are you?	14
Have you ever been to a gay bar?	nope
Is there one thing all of your ex's have had in common?	...eh no...except they all hate me now o_O
Did you french kiss before you were 16?	i wouldn't know seeing i'm not 16
Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?	...um...cow tipping, i did that once...poor moona...i'm so sowwi
Who is the last person you think about before you fall asleep?	alex
Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you?	yah
Have you ever found anything gross in your parent's bedroom?	omg...a fucking dildo...eww i don't even want to think about it all...god *hurls*
What was your childhood nickname?	Ash
When is the last time you played the air guitar?	like yesterday...o_O
Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room?	no
What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?	...i don't drive
Have you ever bitten your toenails?	well yah like five years ago
How do you normally eat your cookies?	just totally eat them?
When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt?	...um i don't work out at the gym
Name something you do when you're alone?	...lol think...and thinking is bad but beneficial lol
How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?	i dunno
Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt?	omg...no
How often do you clean out your ears?	like when i can't hear? lol which is usually when i'm sick or something
Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper?	...dude, u totally didn't just ask me that
About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie?	...none?
Do you have any strange phobias?	uh...this test o_O
Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?	...um...nope
What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar?	i dunno
Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?	probably
Have you ever called your bf/gf by another girl/guys name?	...one of meh ex's called me like Charlie...dude, i'm not a dude lol
Have you ever gotten caught farting while on a date?	uh...no
Have you ever played naked twister?	omg...i wish *more ideas, alex* lol
Have you ever been drunk at work?	nope...
Have you ever found your gf/bf's sibling more attractive?	uh, no
Do you want to bring sexy back?	fuck that...lol i already brought it lol jk
Take this survey

The Cure For Bordom Survey
Take This Survey to cure boredom. Have Fun!
1. How old will you be in five years?	19...well 20 (omg...)
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?	alex
3. How tall are you?	like 5'2...or 5'3
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?	visiting alex
5. What's the last movie you saw?	Ironman...
6. Who was the last person you called?	alex
7. Who was the last person to call you?	alex
8. What was the last text message you received?	alex
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?	gel...
10. Do you prefer to call or text?	text, really
11. What were you doing at 12am last night?	sleeping...i totally passed out cause i'm like sick o_O
12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?	married
13. When is the last time you saw your mom?	three hours ago
14. What color are your eyes?	green-blue
15. Do you own slippers?	nope
16. What are you wearing right now?	...regular clothes...damn i need to change lol
17. What is your favorite christmas song?	uh...i dunno
18. Where is your favorite place to be?	somewhere in meh brain
19. Where is your least favorite place to be?	in front of my mom
20. Africa-NewZealand-Japan?	New Zealand
21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?	...i dunno
22. Do you tan or burn?	i totally burn
23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?	...omg...it's still gonna get me lol
24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?	alex...talking with his tongue out like a crazy person lol
25. How many TVs do you have in your house?	uh like 10?
26. When did u last get in a argument?	...with meh mom over my phone
27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?	both...prefer and use my laptop more though
28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?	...sometimes both, depends on how i'm feeling lol
29. What color are your walls?	light blue
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?	like 8
31. What is your favorite season?	winter
32. What do you like about fall?	...the changing of the leaves
33. What do you like about winter?	the air
34. What do you like about the summer?	...um watching meh brother get bit by my emo puppy as he jumps into the pond or pool or something
35. What do you like about spring?	nothing...i get allergies cause of the damn pollen
36. How many states have you lived in?	...uh, one
37. What states have you lived in?	SC
38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?	...socks
39. Are you a social person?	sometimes...then again, ppl stray away from me cause i'm different and random and totally out of meh mind
40. What was the last thing you ate?	like some kinda noodles o_O
41. Have you tried escargo?	omg...dude i ate it, tasted like steak...but omg...i totally love them, especially with garlic...wow
42. What is your favorite ice cream?	strawberry
43. What is your favorite dessert?	...strawberry shortcake
44. Have you drank a Shirley Temple	nope...tim collins though lol
45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?	strawberry lol
46. Do you like Chinese food?	eh...i always somehow choke on the rice lol
47. Do you like coffee?	yah
48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?	...like two
49. What do you drink in the morning?	um, whatever i can find?
50. How often do you shower?	like everyday
51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?	the right o_O
52. Do you know how to play poker?	in a way
Take this survey

Wild and Crazy Random Survey
Take this fun survey filled with crazy random questions.
Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?	um...probably o_O
How do you flush the toilet in public?	...lol meh foot
Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?	most of the time
Do you have a crush on someone?	he knows though, so not really a crush is it? o_O
Name one thing you worry about running out of.	...um...knowledge
What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?	myself?
What is your favorite pizza topping?	something with any kinda meat...probably
Do you crack your knuckles?	sometimes...and ppl hate me for it... oops...
What song do you hate the most	any kinda rap song...:/
Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?	nope...thank god
What are your super powers?	controling other ppls emotions
Peppermint or spearmint?	peppermint...though i luff both
Where are your car keys?	...in the future? o_O
Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?	...idc
What's your most annoying habit?	eh...being myself?
Where did you last go on vacation?	the isle of palms...
What is your best physical feature?	um...meh eyes, i guess (well, i luffle them)
What CD is closest to you right now?	...uh...a blank one
What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?	omg...milk, eggs and butter (...though i use hardly none of them...weird)
What superstition do you believe/practice?	...total voodoo...yah...o_O
What color are your bed sheets?	black
Would you rather be a fish or a bird?	a bird
Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?	...i don't drive o_O
What are your favorite sayings?	i dunno
What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?	...um...?
If you could go back or forward in time,where would you go?	i wish
What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?	like i care
What CD is in your stereo?	...um...nothing?
What CD will be in your stereo in a few minutes?	...nothing again
How many kids do you plan on having?	...depends
If you could kiss anyone who would it be?	Alex
What do you do when no one is watching?	lol...too many things
If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be you?	why would they?...they all hate me
Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?	um...idk as long as im dead, i guess
Coffee or Tea	coffee dude
Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?	uh...?
Have you ever been in love?	totally
Do you talk to yourself?	all the time...
Take this survey

I don't know how I feel right now...maybe random, who knows. I wanna bite something...o_O then hug a rainbow after killing the leprechaun and jumping up and down with Bob, my imaginary duck, don't ask...he tends to snap at u when u pick on him. I understand his reason *nods*.

So...what's up in the virtual world? I have no clue...omg I totally lost meh mind on this one thing I made and have like recorded...yah well it's wicked. lol...maybe i just should start using the XD again, no matter how annoying it may be. XD omg...i luff it, ima use it from now on again XD XD XD so easy to write. woo!1 can't forget meh 1's yah gotta luff em like ur speeding along with the !!!!'s and then boom u add a 1...so amazingly conforming..idc lol

Ooh, so I'll do a survey...yay *runs off and wait until i post meh next post thingy o_O* muhahaha...lol

...I think...I think I might be depressed again...sad, everything...sulking with no happiness in the reaches of me?...yah that kind of depressed...and I don't want it to change. I want it to be stable and it's been going on like this for an hour now...great. No changes at all...weird.

Um, I did try something. I tried pretending. Last night, that I didn't have you, just to see where I would be.

I felt pings and shocks all over my body, but I went through them...as intense as they were. Why didn't I just stop right there? I don't know. But now...I just feel lost, and I'm not asking to be found, but I want to...it's confusing me, really.

Tears...why? Great. Damn me...I'm sowwi. I'm going to go into my corner again...that shadowed corner who begs my name every day...but I haven't visited it in like days...longest ever since this January I've gone without crying.

...So I don't know how exactly that paragraph sounds...sounded...but um...it's confusing...then again, yah. Oh my god, I swear...I lost my mind...I don't get it. I don't want to have lost it...I'm falling again. I don't want to...I can't save me.

*reaches*... :'(

Well I regrettably have nothing to say, though I know it's been sometime since I looked back upon these pages. But, thanks to Alex...I guess I'm going to start trying to write again...yah.

A reason I've been out for a while...um, schoolwork...though I'm unsure as of now, if I should or not. I guess I should, I want to...but nvm.

Um, I guess I lost my mind in randomness...and yah. What I need to do is cry...I feel like doing that...though I can't, but then again...who really cares?

Who really cares when you're that only person standing on that bridge in the dawn of the new morning? Who really cares if you're about to jump and take yourself out of this life? Of course, no one really cares...

I laugh in the face of ones who claim they do, though they turn around and know that they feel the same way. They know they are the ones who just spared your life, so that they wouldn't live life alone...the jealousy and nerve of them. It's like, they don't want you to leave them, because you'll put yourself out of misery while they are stuck behind, looming along in this life, feeling regret because they let you.
I guess, sometimes I've been the one about to jump and a friend would come along and try to stop me. Doesn't that just want to push you towards the edge more?

Who really cares when you have no one to talk to? And when you do, none of it matters? Who really cares when something is missing and someone tries to put it back? I guess no one...

It's useless, to actually think you're missing something. Though, maybe you are. You feel that. But, deep down...shouldn't you at least think? Well, I came into this world alone...I'm going to die alone...Why not live alone too? Because, we're in denial...maybe that's the right way to go. Deny everything and maybe fortune will come? Of course, no one dares to do that because they would probably end up like my first paragraph...like jumping off a cliff.

And you're probably wondering on who I mean this towards. Well no one in particular, I swear. I guess, my friends who try to rule over me...and my parents *nods*...well that sums it up, I guess.

--And when someone tells me what I should write, I shall...then again, tell me and I'll forget all about it...I take no orders, unless they are from me. And, in that if you own a part in me, I'll accept them too. :/ Well, that depends.

WOULD YOU RATHER...
a)pee ur pants in public b) yell at a strangr cuz u thought u knew them:	yell at a stranger cause i thought i knew them
a) Lindsy Lohan mysteriously dies b)Paris Hilton mysteriously dies:	paris hilton mysteriously dies
a) stung by a bee b) lemon in a paper cut:	stung by a bee
a) arch enemy finds loveletter u wrote b) parents sho baby pics to ur bf/gf:	arch enemy finds loveletter i wrote
a) find out ur best friend lied to u b) find out ur bf/gf lied to you:	find out my best friend lied to me
a) overheard talking to urself b) overheard singing ur fav song 2 urself:	overheard talking to myslf
a) get in a catfight, lose and b seen on tv b) get put back a yr in school:	get in a catfight, lose, and be seen on tv
a) kiss your secret crush b) see ur arch enemy humiliated:	see my arch enemy be humiliated
a) win a million bucks b) marry someone really hot:	win a million bucks
a) fail math b) get caught kissing the math teacher:	fail math
a) date a bad boy/girl b) date a sweet boy/girl:	date a bad boy lol
a) long hair on a guy/girl b) short hair on a guy/girl:	-um...-
a) date a really cute jerk b) date a really cute idiot:	date a really cute idiot
a genie apears b4 u what do u wish 4 a) a sexy slave b) world domination:	world domination
a) diarrea b) constipation:	constipation
PART TWO!!!
a) beaten to death by rabid monkeys b) get traped in sinkin ship an drown:	get trapped in a sinking ship and drown
who hotr?a)tall, long red hair,earings,tan b)slender,femenine,blond,dreamy:	slender, feminine, blond, dreamy :/
a) peanut butter b) hot sauce:	peanut butter
would u rather b a)part demon fox b) part angel:	part demon fox
a) true love b) steamy romance:	true love
if u saw a stray kitten u would a)kill it and eat it b)bring it home:	bring it home
a) friends that r boys b) friends that r girls:	friends that are boys
a) kno how to surf b) kno how to snoboard:	know how to snowboard
a) get ur eyeball poked with a blunt object b) find out u ate a worm:	get my eyeball poked with a blunt object
whose hotr? a) sexy goth vampire b) long haired demon with fox ears:	sexy goth vampire
r u more of a a) posessed lawn ornament b)evil santa:	evil santa
would u rather b a)star of ur own anime b)main char in a video game:	main character in a video game
a)clog the toilet at school b) fail a test:	fail a test
LAST 1! enjoyed this quiz a) hell no, tard b) yup:	yup
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

Random Thought Provokers
What makes you laugh?:	watching my brother fail as he tried to hit me lol stupid, je sais
Who is your hero?:	...
Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?:	Alex lol
How many pairs of shoes do you own?:	...um...the one's that fit or don't fit? o_O
Seriously... Where does the other sock end up?:	...on my foot...or the washing-machine ate it again :/
Who do you blame for your mood today?:	...Alex...and I love it...so no worries lol
If the Internet were sex... I would:	...totally hack the sucker lol
Have you ever seen a dead body?:	yah
What is something scientists need to invent?:	...brains that actually work (for themselves and most americans...sowwi o_O)
What should we do with stupid people?:	put them in cages and throw stuff at them lol...or make them work like slaves lol...i dunno
Have you ever broken a bone?:	yah
Do you watch local news? Why?:	...well...when i'm bored...
What happens after you die?:	...ur dead? lol
How big is your bed? Big enough?:	...um...just for me...and totally lol
How long do you think you will live?:	...like it matters lol
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

Name?: Ashleigh
Wish your name was?: anything but Ashleigh lol
Age?: 14
Wish your age?: ...?
What color hair do you have?: (naturally: blonde) Black
What color hair do you want?: ...already have it...
what color eyes do you have?: Blue-green (which change at random times)
what color do you want?: ...Pure blue lol
I fyou could change one thing about your body what would it be?: hmm...i dunno
If you could change one thing about yourself mentally what would it be?: nothing lol
If you could have one super power what would it be?: mind-reading, i guess lol
If you could live one fairy tale which one would it be?: Sleeping Beauty i guess lol
Who would you sacrafice your life for?: Alex lol
Who do you love the most?: Alex again lol
Is the saying true blood is thicker than water?: ...never heard of that before in my life
If you could be with one person in the world who would it be?: ...
If you could bring one person back who would it be?: my grandmother, then again..she need not suffer once more and i couldn't bear re-losing her
If you could wish one person out of your life who would it be?: ...Rhoswen lol
Who do you hate the most?: Rhoswen, i think lol
Love the most?: Alex
Miss the most?: My grandmother...
Have the most fun with?: non-in real life: Alex lol (in real life: my brother...though i think he hates me lol)
Would spend your life with?: i guess Alex once more
Would spend your life without?: ...Rhoswen lol
Who have you know the longest?: myself lol
Who is most like you?: ...i guess Alex...then again, we have our differences
Who is your opposite?: ...Rhoswen and Jade (completely...cold hearted bitches lol)
Who looks most like you?: ...no one...glory of being me lol yayz
What celeberty would you want to be if any?: celebs suck...seriously all ppl who want to be like them r fricking conformists lol
What celeberty do you look most like?: ...CONFORMIST!!1 lol
Are you high matnance?: ...nope...unless my mom nags me to death...then again, i'll not do my best lol cause it annoys her
what is more important looks or personality honesty?: personality
Is honesty always the best policy?: ...not always lol...but depends
How many people have you dated this year?: i guess two :/
How many people have you asked out this year?: ...depends on how u look at it
How many people have you turned down this year?: ...uh...
If you had only one friend who would it be?: Alex lol
If you could eat anything right now what would it be?: ...Rhoswen wants to say Alex...but she's being a perv...so um...an apple lol
Do you love your friends or family more?: ...oh why must i decide? lol
What is your favorite band?: MCR...
What is your favorite song?: recently: Bring Me To Life
What sterotype are you ?: ...a mix of emo, goth, and punk...i guess more emo though
What sterotype would you like to be?: ...u try to be one...u turn into a wannabe...conformists lol
Did you ever cut yourself purposely?: totally
Did you ever cry to get out anger?: ...yah
Did you ever cry over a boy/girl?: many times
Are you a virgin?: and i'm proud at that
Do you have a boyfriend?: yah
How long would you want to keep your virginity?: ...depends
If you lost it already do you regret it?: ...always had it
If you could change one point in your life would you?: nothing...cause it was supposed to happen
What religion are you?: my own religion
How do you feel today?: i'm still trying to figure that out
If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?: Kansas lol
If you had to be one of your friends sisters/brothers who would you pick?: like i would know...
What is your favorite candy?: some kind of chocolate...or omg, nutella lol
What is your favorite kind of guy/girl .... sterotype?: i guess a mix of emo and punk
How long do you like your relatioships to last?: ...?
How tall would you like your boyfriend/girlfriend?: height doesn't matter
about how much would you like them to be, toothpick,skinny,average,bigger?: well uh...kinda like me?
How did your last relationshp end?: he got mad at me cause i cut my hair o_O lol
Do you miss it?: nope
Were your ever really in love?: still am lol
whats the last thing you would say to one person b/4 dieing?: "i love you"
If you were in love would you get married before college?: ...depends but uh...?
Do you have more guy friends or girl friends?: guy friends...
If you could be at any point in your life what would it be?: where i am now
If you had to pick a way to die how would it be?: suicide with my lover
Do you like yourself?: ...in my own ways...excluding Rhoswen
What do you wish to become someday?: ...still thinking
Do you trust people easily?: not really...but some i try to...and some very few i really do
How important is school to you?: ...like 85% important
What song are you listening to right now?: The Black Parade - MCR
If you could talk to anyone now who would it be?: Alex
Delivery is at the door at your house who is it from ?: ...Amazon usually lol
what is your perfect date like?: ...i guess moonlight, by a running stream, under the stars, talking
if you could completely change who you are would you?: nope
would you be friends with yourself?: ...different parts of me...not Rhoswen (we're debating our differences lol)
Do you talk to people often?: not really...but some
Are your romantic?: ...?
Do you talk bout your dreams?: sometimes...if i actually dream
Do you dream often?: ...hardly
Do you ever pray?: ...no o_O
Did you ever cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend?: never
How many hours do you spend on myspace?: ...um...not many
What is the layout?: ...i have to explain this?
What is the song?: ...none?
Do you know everybody on your myspace friends?: ...nope
Do you like everybody on your myspace friends?: yah
Do you like who you are becoming?: ...what does it matter?
What is the most important thing in your life?: my love for Alex
what would you never change about yourself?: my personality because i am who i am
When was the last time you cried?: ...like a couple of hours ago
Do you think the guy should always pay?: no
What is your favorite movie?: dunno
What movie sucked the most?: dunno
Who is your favorite actress?: ...none
Who is your favorite actor?: ...none
If you could change one thing in our world what would it be?: ...world dominance would so be ran by Alex and I lol
Do you have any bad habits?: ...um...probably avoiding my chores lol but i do them though lol
Do you think your fat?: ...not really
Are you overweight?: nope
What was the last thing you ate?: ...um...i think a saltine cracker lol
What is better mcdonalds/burgerking?: ...burger king...though i hardly go to either...and mc donalds...scares me really (big grudges against the place)
Would you date Ron off of harry potter? /guy,hermoinie off harry potter?: nope...eww
Woud you date a guy/girl with freckels?: ...wouldn't matter
if you could star in one movie what would it be?: ...my own? lol
Who do you want to be like?: ...myself lol
what word best describes yourself?: non-conformist lol

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Ok...so yah, I might be completely losing my mind but can't blame me for not trying lol. Anywho, my life is as boring as watching a worm crawl through the sand, well ok...a worm might be more interesting, but then again, I'm probably more interesting than it.

Well, something I just can't stop thinking of (besides wuzzles lol), is the fact that zodiacs (no matter how weirdly true and false they are proven to be to me) seemingly rule the world. Ok, so they might not exactly rule the world, but hey...it's something to think about as I lie awake this early in the morning. Fooey to that, but yah.

Hmm...so I am a Gemini, but technically was supposed to be born a Cancer, to tell you the truth, I was supposed to have my brother's birthday of July 10 and he be born on the 23. Anywho, my point being, Gemini's are considered intellectuals, and out there for knowledge, then again, they are completely outgoing people (though not all...this is supposedly said). Well, I am not that outgoing (I'll give Rhoswen that eye of life...o_O). Cancers, on the other hand, are emotional sponges, who feel and reflect on about everything and take in and care for others. In ways, I am like a mix of a Gemini and a Cancer...but of course you could tell where this was going.

In my case, since I was so bored, I started searching the Pisces-Gemini compatibility (ok...so i might be kinda weird...anywho lol). It clearly states that the proven Gemini would be an incomplete match for the Pisces and that the Gemini doesn't understand the emotional side of the Pisces, it only understands the intellectual side. (Another reason I totally don't believe in Zodiacs...but...continuing)

The Cancer and the Pisces though, is a match perfectly made. And, I realized, the match are both two emotional beings (and whether they admit that or not...they are). In this way, I guess I am still a mixture of Gemini-Cancer. Now what truly surprises me, is the fact that Pisces (as supposedly said) is but a mingle of all the signs...so o_O...in all ways, this is confusing and some parts may be true, but all I know...is that no matter what the book says, Alex, I love you.

I would also like right now to bring up something said on a place I was researching the Gemini. It claims we are, "They would be jack of all trades but master of none." haha...I am your master!1 lol jk. XD

But...let me forget all this. No one is to tell me what to believe, what to feel. No one controls me or alters my ways, unless I am determined to do so myself. Anywho...some influences are accepted lol but only by certain people, who should know who they are.

---Ok...so forgetting all this---

I think I should explain an idea that I finally saw for real. I mean, I thought about it for a long time when it was introduced to me, but finally, today, it actually clicked.

The fact of humans living on a tree: (ok...so that sounds kinda weird...but in all it makes sense) A simile for the mind:

Life is like a tree and all the humans are but leaves. Like leaves, we get bugs (aka diseases, problems, sickness, ect...). Like leaves, we are blown sometimes by the wind (in meaning that troubles may come sometimes). Like leaves, we fall down to the ground and some even bud onto the tree of life (death and being born).

So yeah, life is like a tree, held in the middle of a quad...and what that quad may be...I am still thinking.

---My Book---

So, I'm writing a book, called Something. Like all my other creations that I start, I never finish or I do finish, but come back finding myself hating it. This one though, I actually love.

It introduces the life of Alexandria (and yah, told you I loved this name, Alex...before I met you XD lol...so yah hey...another idea...yayz) who lives in the time around 3000. She doesn't exactly know how she knows about our time being here, but she explains to us her world. She tells us that ever since the time of 2001, we've been undergoing a process that will chemically alter us in 2501, a whole 500 years later.
We have choices though, and as tempting as they may be, you must decide. There is evil, that is controlled and trying to destroy and experiment on the one's who decided a path as a human escapee or a rebel, in which she is.

...Anywho....yah...totally thanking Alexander for giving me such inspiration that I never thought possible before lol...

---So...I always wanted to explain this---

Reasons (I think) for me liking Wuzzles, before I even knew him like I know him now.

For some reason, when I added you and saw your picture for the first time, I knew something was different, that made you stand out and I liked that, for some reason. At the time, I didn't think that we would ever talk, so I went about my business as you went about yours. But, let me just say something before all of this even happened (and no matter how open I feel right about now...I think I should do this...hope you understand lol).

When I lost myself, four years ago, I vowed and found out there could never be another. That same year, I prayed to God (yes, the common god that most people believe in), I asked for someone who would understand me and care for me the way my empty heart did long ago, but I kept falling. No one would look to see the trouble, the pain, nor would they care. That's why Rhoswen came up and took over. She was my mask that hid my face (even though I am quite ashamed now...then again, it was planned and bound to happen).
When I was completely Rhoswen, I prayed to this god again, around two years ago, when I completely fell in love with computers (lol...) and find me weird...but Rhoswen (and the little perv she is) wanted a bad-boy, even though I knew in my heart her term for that was someone who understood the common basics and the full codes, behind the computer.
This January, when Rhoswen actually died down, letting my heart show just how much it needed someone, I realized that there was no hope, no need to go on, but yet I was. I realized that I needed someone who would know the side of death, the visions or come close to visions I've seen, the pain felt and the happiness overrunning. The memories gone and the shards of ice melting ways through your heart. I needed someone that would understand the deepness of depths I wallowed through, the feelings that were torn away. I needed a writer and a feeler of dark depression and with that, I came to find a being, who was everything I ever wished for. As true or false as this may sound, I could never be more certain.
I look back now, I don't cry. I view the past, I feel the pain, but I don't let it wander lonely through my brain. Because now, a thread of memories (as small as they may be), let me feel that I have someone, who I love and owe my life.
Seriously, I do. I mean, without you, I would be dead, then again, I don't know if I would be dead or not, I would have probably hung onto my optimistic side of hope. I mean, times like yesterday (I'm not even going to say what), I might be feeling in low points, same with you. But what would be the point of life, to stay here in knowledge that you don't exist? What would be my incentive to die another death without knowing it? I cannot bear it, but shall I, I will. I don't want to, but I will.
Though, I just hope that this will not be the case, but if so...what can you do if it was already planned. Anyways, dropping these thoughts though and telling the absolute truth of my heart, which you fill, I love you, Alex.

---So Yah---

I feel like I just totally gave a speech of a lifetime, lol...I guess I kinda did, but still. I'm in wonder of this emotion though, which has no name. I love it, but I don't know it. If I do know it, I've never noticed it before. If I do know it, I've always had it...but I doubt it could be that. This emotion is greater than anything I've felt before, wonderful in all it may be. It has no name, but I call it enchanting...an none other given, by my emo god lol XD Just had to say that once...sowwi lol

Lame-Stupid-Random Survey


Basics
Name:: Ashleigh
Birthplace:: Columbia, SC
Birthdate:: 6-18-93
Current City of Residence:: why do you want to know? lol...O-burg, SC
Family Members:: My mother, father and brother

Favorites
Color:: Black
Beverage:: ...blood!!!1 muhahahaha jk
Movie:: ...dunno
Musical:: ?
Board Game:: Clue lol
Computer Game:: ...?
Game to Roleplay:: doesn't matter
Animal:: Red Pandas
Sport:: ...anything with skating (not ice though)
Book:: ...probably something I wrote

A Day In The Life..
School:: Homeschooled XD lol
Typical Mood:: ...sad...happy...call it emo-love lol
Usually Found?:: on my computer
Collects:: knowledge

Have You Ever
Been kissed:: ...well find me weird, why don't cha?
Done drugs:: never
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: yepyep XD lol
Eaten sushi:: totally luff it
Been on stage:: yah...(rhoswen's story though) lol
Been in a car accident:: 4 actually

This or That
Cold or Hot:: cold
Blue or Red:: blue
Rain or Snow:: rain (snow is all...white and fluffeh XD lol)
Wool or Cotton:: cotton
Private or Public School:: public then again...all schools today are messed up
Chocolate or Plain Milk:: chocolate..?
Celsius or Farenheit:: farenheit
Spring or Fall:: springy
Science or History:: science
Math or English:: english

"Love Life"
Do you like somebody?:: yah...love him more so XD lol
Do they know?:: i would hope XD lol
Do you want them?:: ...how do u mean that? lol
Are they hot?:: totally...u know u r alex lol

Random
Who do you e-mail the most?: myself (to save my files lol)
Who do you IM the most?: alex XD
Who are you talking to now?:: alex lol
Are you currently in love?:: you know it...lol
Is this survey lame?:: not really...depends on how you look at it
Isn't bzoink! nifty? =) :: ...say what?

In 24 hours have you...
...Showered?:: yah
...Had a serious talk?:: ...yepyep
...Hugged someone?:: ...hardly hug ppl much
...Gotten along with your parents?:: nope lol
...Fought with a friend?:: nope
...Done something kind for someone?: well...i dunno

Do You Like To...
Give hugs?:: ...eh...depends with who XD
Give back rubs?:: ...not really
Take walks in the rain?:: duh lol
Cook?:: yah
Eat?:: ...not much...
Sleep?:: when i'm extremely bored

Who..?
..Knows you the best?:: myself?
..Have you known the longest?:: ...uh...my family
..Do you know the most about?:: ...wouldn't know...
..Do you consider your friend?:: ...depends on what kind of friend lol
..Is most likely to end up in jail?:: uh...lol...
..Can you go to with your problems?:: ...Alex i hope lol
..Do you want to get to know better?:: alex again lol...though it's weird XD haha
..Do you spend the most time with?:: ...my brain yah

Have You...
..Been to a concert?:: ...nope
..Loved someone so much it made you cry?:: yah lol...
..Cheated on a test?:: ...wouldn't remember
..Ever stalked someone?:: yah lol XD sowwi
..Done something you regret?:: nope...
..Been in an online relationship?:: still in one...and it's killer and yet so precious lol

Random Questions
Single or Hooked?:: hooked i guess you could say...but that sounds wrong lol
What is your worst habit?:: not doing what i'm supposed to do XD lol
Scariest moment?:: ...uh...many of those really lol
Do you swear too much?:: ...depends on how i feel lol
How do you feel about homosexuality?:: ppl are ppl
Where are you right now?:: ...in my living room
Are you sitting by anyone?:: yah, jade and dalton XD lol
What song are you listening to?:: ...nothing
What is the last thing you said?:: "uh no"
What's on your mousepad?:: ...it's not a mousepad lol
What are the last four digits of your phone number?:: 1305...or 0489...lol
What was the last thing you ate?:: i chewed on some weird grass outside lol...really
If you were a crayon, what color would you be?:: lol...black...like my soul lol
How many buddies do you have on your list?:: ...a lot lol...
What's the weather like right now?:: it's pure darkness
What do you feel like doing?:: ...hugging someone lol
What is your favorite quote?:: well it changes day by day XD lol

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Well...I fell off the face of the earth again...fooey. Smacked my head pretty hard, damaged my heart, but luckily that was saved by an angel...lol. You're probably more than that Alex, but yah XD.

Well...reasons for my being gone. I'll list them...day by day...woo...

-Wednesday:
First off...Wednesday, I went with my father to his work, along with my brother, who is on spring break. In the middle of typing up some schoolwork I just had to get finished, my computer completely turned black. Yah, ok...I love the color black, but not in this case. I was practically on the edge of reasoning with a non-existent god and yelling to the sky why this couldn't be happening.
Leaving out the fact that I was screwing around and fiddling with my command prompt earlier, which I doubt had anything to do with this *looks around*, I gave up trying to fix it. You know how, you can like restart your computer with command prompt and that safe mode crap...well haha...none of it would work. It would just take me to a black screen and forever it would stay.
So, I went running outside, and thank god my brother saw me. I was like crying so frickin hard because I was so close to finishing my project and I had this great poem and writing in my head. (Totally forgot it now...o_O). But, running outside my father's shop, I went. And I practically ran past some building, like a storage place and then threw myself up in the air and like totally attacked me. I hit the ground hard and kept going on, until finally my brother grabbed me and stopped me.
Did I mention I ran out with a sharp object too...haha...not saying what it was. o_O. Anyways, I ditched the implement before he could see what it was and he actually talked to me for a while. Then...somehow, we started talking on a scientific level of the existence of humans, of course, he didn't believe my far out motives, but he tried, I think.
Anyways, I went back in, around two hours later, still teary-eyed and right when I came back, the phone rang. My mom was on the other end and I told her what happened. Plus, I mentioned that I couldn't do what she needed me to do and that I would have to go to Columbia asap.
We finally ended up going around 4pm and once we got there, I took in my computer. Ok, so lemme just say right now, without eyeliner (because I cried it all off...yeah and it's supposed to be waterproof or w/e o_O) I don't look like me. I look like some monster from the deep. Crazy, I know...but still. Well after delivering my computer to them and finding out a calculated diagnostic of "we think it's a virus...nope...we think it's your hard drive...nope...we really think it's a worm..." and so on in their confusion... (believe me...they never figured it out either...lol XD), we left.
Now, my mom was starving so she ended up going to Wendy's...which was the most available place for her to get something to eat. (Ok, so I ate a little bit...o_O Which is rare...I guess).
OMG...funny story time!1 When we drove up to the window to get her food I was telling her what Dalton told me that our crazed, brain-fried grandfather told him earlier.
Imagine an old bald guy, around 80 who has no life, except screwing things up and digging (lol seriously)

Pop: Come here 'ton... (and yah, he calls my brother that)
Dalton: *walks over*
Pop: You know you got mans blood in you. Not woman’s blood, mans blood. My blood. (lol...he's stupidly crazy I tell you)
Dalton: *rolls his eyes and begins to walk away*
Pop: Wait, wait. You know how you got here right?
Dalton: I think I do.
Pop: *stares Dalton right in the face, eye to eye and says one word* SEX.

Ok...so maybe that sounds a bit funnier when you tell it in real life, but gees, a dude of pop's age shouldn't be telling a 12 year old random stuff like that. I mean, yah, it's today's society. OMG...you should have heard what he told him when he was 10. I'll tell ya:

Pop: Come here 'ton (yah...it's annoying...he even says that to me...o_O I mean what?)
Dalton: *walks over*
Pop: *points downward to his um...you know XD lol* Don't let 'dis control dis *points to head*, let 'dis *still pointing towards his head* control 'dis *points back down again*.

Ok...like a 10 year old would go around screwing everything in sight. What a guy huh? Topsy-turveyed a gas truck and holy hell, he's messed up.

Anyways, we go back home. I have to deal with Queen Bitch, Jade again. I really hate her, but I'll explain that later. Then, I'm pissed. So sad. I run to my room, crying yet again. Later, my brother comes inside and asked me to come outside. I find myself on a frickin' motorbike thingy (yah...I can drive that over hills in our back yard)...trying or not trying (don't remember) to kill myself. I thought a couple of times though, that I wanted to hit some trees going at high speeds, but the thought of Alex, which stays with me all the time now, stopped me. Yah.

So that night, I go to sleep...again, thinking of wuzzles and wishing my pillow would turn into him...but it never does *cries* goth damn it!1 lol

-Thursday

Well I hated today worse than yesterday (at least the morning, I mean XD lol). Well, I had to stay at home, ideas of great stories coming up in my brain, nothing to write it on though...well pen and paper...hate it XD lol. Anyways, I kept snacking on mindless fruits and stuff and watching stupid specials on the television. Then, around 12pm, I finally gave up on being bored and went into our dining room, where we have two unused computers and different add-ons that popped up around our house, over the years. lol...lugging a monitor and that CPU ish thing...lol...its night...I blame it, k? Sowwi XD lol. Along with a keyboard and mouse, I came back and installed a long-loved game of mine. Sims XD lol. I love screwing up their life...it's so awesome. I feel like their goddess XD lol. Plus, I cheat...so yah XD
Anyways, around 4pm again, mom comes home, picks me up and away we both go to Columbia. Now, they already told us around 1pm that my computer was ready to be picked up. So we get there, 4:45ish and they tell us two more hours because it's updating still. I mean what? o_O
Anyways, we planned to go eat at Olive Garden...well she did. I was just going to sit there like a dummy. So, we drive to Wal-mart, get some stuff for our fish. She completely freaks out in the store over a "smiley-fish" lol...it actually smiled. Really...^^ so people started looking at her, so I added to the fun a bit and hopped around, making them look at us more. It was so amazingly funny XD lol.
So, we leave and turns out that when we get to Olive Garden, they make us wait, like usual and plus, there's an Alltel across the parking lot. So, we take this little buzzer thingy and go to Alltel. She starts looking for a phone and the damned thing starts vibrating (for Olive Garden I mean...lol....in case ur lost). So she orders me to go back across and tell them that we're coming. I go in, the manager seats me and I tell him that my mom is coming too. I'm sitting down, all by myself, everyone is looking at me, like I'm weird or something...I mean...I am so not weird...I am their ruler, that's why they look at me XD lol jk.
Anyways, around five minutes later, she shows up and the manager was about to kick her out or something, he was a gruff, looking fellow. But, she orders...I order (amazingly again XD)...stupid salad though XD lol.
We get a call in the middle of our meal, saying that my computer is ready, but hey...it's like 5:20 now. Great day...some two hours huh? o_O jk
So, we finish up our meal, then head back over to Alltel. Finally, at like 7pm we leave with a Scoop (for yours truly) and some weird touchy thing (for my mom) XD. I luff my phone. Anyways. We go back and get my computer and around 9pm we get home. I about wanted to scream because all my information was lost, thank god though, for immediate back-ups. Speaking of which, I need to run one now...o_O
I went to bed, yet again, thinking of Alex, like I did all day (lol...ur addicting, I swear XD, but hey...I love being the addict) and fell asleep, in wonder of who thought I was dead XD lol o_O weird, I know...but yah.

-Friday
I finally got my computer about restored to normal. Downloaded almost all the programs I had on it before. Got a compliment by my mom, (o_O) on my current story that I'm writing (keep it hush-hush)...then again, that was followed by "do your schoolwork and chores"...but I'm used to it. And, I paid off my new phone (yah...that easy...then again, today's allowance was everything that I owed for it. Anywho) My computer is costing me around $150...but I'll handle it after three solid weeks of torture. I talked to wuzzles (lol...ur awesome XD I swear and I love you more...I promise XD lol). And, well yah. Wrote this little input...hooray!1 What a damn three days. So full of emotions. Yah XD lol.

-I realized something though, when talking to Alex. It's awesome too...then again, scary on my end...but right now, I don't want to look towards pessimistic thoughts on this one idea, any other, I shall, but not on this one. I'll hope too that it's safe, because if I lost it...I swear, it's only a thread and I would surely die. lol...but I trust you. Promise.

Well...my days to you...and I'm still waiting on your editing, Mr. Wuzzles XD lol...jk...it's k though. People have busy lifestyles, me understands that. o_O

So onward I go, to bed, in wait
to dream of you and everlasting fate
This emotion I feel, it tears me apart
But I knew this was wonderful from the start
Just know I would do nothing to throw it away
I would love for it to last, to eternally stay
But now, I leave and say adieu
And hope our dreams, both come true

-And though this is not part of my poem, I'll only have one dream in mind...lol (and please don't start thinking like my perverted self XD lol...or Rhoswen...damn Rhoswen XD lol)

*** About me ***
What's your favorite color? black
Are you artistic? yah...in many ways, i think XD
What kind of music do you hate? all country...and most rap...yah
What store would you choose to max out a credit card? Why? ...haha, i hate credit cards, therefore this is unanswerable, because i would never use one
What is your screen name? my screen name...uh xxrhoswenxx
Do you have a job? What is it? ...my job is being myself...lol jk...still in school and underage to have a job...yah
Where is your hometown? ...lol...who are you and what do you want?
Do you like having your picture taken? Why? i used to...now...yah, i guess...but not professionally...cause i...i luff the ones i take lol
What's your favorite store? tie between Vans and Hot Topic...yah
Are you a vegetarian? lol...i could never, cause Biscuit stops me...lol XD
Why do you admire people? ...who would i admire?...if i did (and yah, i do admire some, i guess), it's because they are intellegent people
Are you color blind? nope...at least i hope not XD
Where did you get your last email from? ...some random person I used to know...well, i still know them...but it's weird
Do you believe in hell? ...um...nope i guess...still thinking about this really...yah
Explain your political beliefs. i hate policitcs...so...uh...and even if i didn't...and i had them...there would be too much to explain, i promise
*** MySpace and me ***
Have you dated anyone you met online? once upon a social butterfly o_O
Have you ever missed a meal because you were busy on myspace? nope
How often do you visit your myspace/xanga/etc profile? ...like either once or twice a day
Have you ever been late to work because of myspace? nope
How many people do you have on your friends list? like 3?
Would you cry if MySpace stopped working? nope
How many people have you invited to MySpace? ...uh
Do you post chain bulletins very often? nope
How often do you check for new comments on myspace? ...whenever i check my emails...yah
Have you ever talked to a stalker on myspace? ...nope
Would you date someone younger than you? yah...age doesn't matter
Would you date someone you met online? yah
Have you ever posted a comment for Tom? ...nope
Do you have a blog? yeppers
Would you date someone older than you? yah
*** What I like ***
Croutons or bacon bits? croutons
Hamburgers or cheeseburgers? cheeseburgers
For a girl: short or long hair? ...short hair...but it doesn't matter
Ocean or pool? depends...then again, admiring...would be the ocean... pool, for swimming...yah
Yoga or pilates? yoga...
Touch or be touched? be touched
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea? lipton ice tea
Favorite comic strip? Garfield
Shower or bath? shower
Favorite website? um...dunno yet XD
What is your favorite IM acronym (lol, omg, ttyl, etc)? ...lol
Flip-flops or slippers? flip-flops
Cappuccino or coffee? cappuccino
Pizza or pasta? pizza
You or your love? your love
*** People ***
Last person to make you cry? myself...like three hours ago...for no reason...yep...weird, je sais
Who is the most unique person you know, and why? ...all the parts of me...my brain, i mean...i think...or Alex...yah
Who is your enemy? myself...and a ton of ppl that i hardly ever talk to anymore...
Who is the smartest person you know? wuzzles and myself XD lol
If you could punch one person, who would it be? a carebear XD lol
Who is the most boring person you know? myself...and my mom...but she's more annoying than anything...so yah
Last person to make you laugh? Alex XD
Who is the funniest person you know? ...hmm...still thinking
Who is your favorite celebrity? ...duh...me...did u have to ask?
Who is the skinniest person you know? lol...uh...
Name one person you hate, and why: i hate my computer, at times...and it's a person...or it thinks it is...and like, i hate it because she's so damn smart...ugh *cries* XD lol
If you had to get married now, who would you want to marry? ...i have to answer? lol...well i think i have an answer..but uh...yah *looks around and smiles at my computer screen...and who i'm talking to XD*
Who do you talk to most on the phone? ...um...no one
Do you know anyone who has never left their home state? yah..most of the retards living and going to my brother's school
Who do you NOT want to meet? ...many people on the internet...who annoy me

...So, as I already know, I stayed up from 3am and worked...yah...big whoop. Mhmm...so uh, my mom planned to go to Columbia today (SC's capital...for those who dunno lol), to get her tires rotated and car maintained. So I went...yah, boring for the first part. Well, she annoyed me for the whole ride there...so, not much a difference cause I was zoning out a bit by now.

Anyways, soon after her car is ready to go, she decides that she wants to go to some Columbia mall, and so...we zoom over there. Now, today was a really bad day to travel, cause first off, it was raining as I dunno what. Second, it's a Saturday and people...people are crazy, yah. And third...I can't stand having my mom talking, with country music playing in the background (oh...how I hate it) and it's so loud, that I can't hear what's going on around me.

Well...we get to this mall, and go in it. Of course, she's embarrassing, but not to the maximum, yet. So...we walk on. We find where she wanted to go, stay there for around an hour, talking to some dude who's supposed to be helping her with what she wanted. Yah. Once we finally leave and go back into the main mall hallway thingy, she finds two different booths that she just has to stop by and chat with the people running them, in knowledge that she wouldn't be buying anything. Ok.

Uh...I totally forgot that they had a Hot Topic here and like...Hot Topic...is kewl, for me, I mean XD Anyways, she totally didn't know that Hot Topic was ...number one in "teenage-fashion for the outcasts and the other weird people...yah XD jk"...so she enters (then again, i might be being too much of stereotyper at the moment...sowwi). Begs me to come in...and I so am annoyed right about now. She walks in, a huge smile on her face, cause I look so damn depressed (lol) and she walks right behind two goth girls and tells me that this is definitly the store for me...and I'm going...oh my goth lol jk...(well in my brain)...anyways...she was so aggravating. Finally we leave the store, after I just said nothing and she get's so pissed when I do that.

So, we're about to leave the mall and we find out it's raining, extremely heavy, outside and she just had to park her car about a mile away. Ugh. So, we sit down on this little bench thingy, right beside the doors. Ok, so across from where we are sitting, there's this little cafeteria thingy and some little children are having a birthday party. She gets up the idea that we should so crash it...and I'm all, "oh hell no, please be joking"...but thank god, she was kidding. Anyways, I slid further away from her, causing her to smile even more...yah, she's weird like that XD lol ((Don't get me wrong though...I love my mom more than people might think, though our relationship is kinda weirdish))

We leave, back into the rain, cause it calmed down a bit. And, here I am...nothing over my head and there she is, with a fricking umbrella...some woman, huh? Yah.

So...we drive back home. My father calls and then soon after, we find ourselves, with my brother and my father, waiting for food at a local "House of Pizza"...emphasis on Pizza...it equals cheese...I'm allergic...you get the picture. So, they order...and I'm all...well screw this. Anyways, I ended up eating something, totally forgot that it had milk in it...so yah...no need for details XD lol

KK...well I was supposed to go buy more dye today, cause that's the only reason I wanted to leave the house...that and to escape my schoolwork, lol muhahaha...well, my mom didn't have the "time" so we go back home and boom, next moment, we're doing our own little projects of whatever we want to do.

Somewhere around an hour later, we hear dogs screeching and hollering outside. I go running quickly, cause I guess you could say, I'm used to it. Turns out that there was another dog, who seemingly fell, got rolled over, luckily not bitten, but he rolled and tumbled in our rose bushes that we planted around three days ago. Those suckers cost alot too...so fooey. ((Speaking of suckers...may this memory here be held for Gary and Lary, the snails who died because of two evil suckerfish who ate them...may they live amoung the snail god...true story though XD lol))

Well, we've never seen this dog before, so I'm going...what in the world was it doing here. Anyways, my mother runs back in, doing something, probably freaking out, I dunno, but she came out around thirty minutes later, after I kindly bonded with the dog. He was sweet and kinda cute, but then again he was covered with mud and so, she carried him inside and we cleaned him for like two hours and still, the dirt and mud wouldn't come off. It's like our dogs scrubbed him with mud, blow-dried him, and then did it again. Yah...that much, that tough, that hard to get out.

When we finally did get most off, we set him back on our porch and of course, I stayed with him, so that our dogs wouldn't bother him again, and yeah, he smelled like a rancid dog. Anyways...once my bro and dad came home, we all thought that this dog looked like our far-off neighbor's. So, DD and I (DD being my brothers nickname), went down to this neighbor's house and asked him and he said that that was his dog and of course, he was missing. He seemed nice at first, then again, looks are deceiving.

So, he came to pick his dog up. And, knowing that he (the dog) got in a small fight, he (the owner) grabbed his yelping dog up by his front two paws, technically where his front legs connect to his body and this dog yelled at the top of his lungs. It was so sad too, and it took all the wit in my body not to punch this dude and take his dog back to where it was. Soon after he left though, I regretted telling his owner. I don't think uncaring dog owners should be allowed to do that...people are people, yes, but how would they like it if the scenario was switched. What if we were the dogs and dogs were humans? *Shaking head right now*

Well...main points of my day, added in with some weird emotions that I have yet to figure out the name for them. I figured some XD...but not all and I doubt I ever will. Anyways. Yah. What a day...right? Probably not.

Well, I was up all night, deciding to do nothing better than my schoolwork...haha, wow, something really strange happened huh? lol

Anyways, I felt I needed to take a break, so I came here and I wanted to post a new poem I discovered in my Literature book.

"All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace" by Richard Brautigan

I like to think (and
the sooner the better!)
of a cybernetic meadow
where mammals and computers
live together in mutually
programming harmony
like pure water
touching clear sky.

I like to think
(right now, please!)
of a cybernetic forest
filled with pines and electronics
where deer stroll peacefully
past computers
as if they were flowers
with spinning blossoms.

I like to think
(it has to be!)
of a cybernetic ecology
where we are free of our labors
and joined back to nature,
returned to our mammal
brothers and sisters,
and all watched over
by machines of loving grace.

-Well I don't know about you, but I sorta find this idea quite enthralling of my mind. It makes me wonder what that would be like...then again, I doubt I would want to see people running around naked, wearing computers XD lol jk I know that's not what this poem meant...then again, you have nothing to do, but wonder...o_O

Plus...even though, this one poem stood out to me, I was going to also write out a Shakespearean poem that I love..."The Seven Ages of Man"...but, I best get back to working. Anywho...yah lol

I am but, a piece of paper, twisted and torn through this life. Molded and shaped by seemingly everyone. Though, I like to write my own lining. Anyways, this is about a particular subject that I hate and adore, so dearly. Love.

Shred me, tear me to pieces. Throw me in the air and let me blow away. Let me fade, just like a burnt page, crippled, crinkled, stepped on, fallen into a pile of your forgotten memories. Use me and forget everything that you used to hold dear. My lost creator, who just turns over to that new piece of paper and smiles as you lose all the words you've written.

But to the one, who sees me. Shattered, confused, wrinkled. Looks down upon me, and picks me up out of all the rest, so tenderly. Unfolds me and smooths my edges, with care and understanding as I begin to become anew. The one who sits down and retraces all the marks upon me, leaving out the holes, scars, and smears of graphite. He rewrites me. Altering and making me turn even more to a whiter page. He who sees who I am, how I've come to be. My beginning, and my was close-to-be, ending. And once he finishes, tear shaken. My Poet, he hugs me. Loves me. Caresses me like no other and keeps me near to him all the time. Until he soon fades away, with me and forever our novel lives.

Random Questions. (:
What time do you go to bed?:	around 4am-ish
Do you drink coffee?:	yah...but with alot of sugar
What was the last song you listened to?:	Critical Acclaim - Avenged Sevenfold
How old were you when you got/gave your first kiss?:	...well, really...has yet to happen
What kind of ice cream is your favorite?:	Strawberry
Have you ever met an internet friend in real life?:	...uh...not yet
Are you/have you ever been anorexic?:	in a way...yeah
Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Saving Time?:	...?
What size shoe do you wear?:	i think like a 7...o_O
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?:	uh...probably my mom
Which is more important in your life, TV or Internet?:	Internet
Do you have an iPod?:	yah...it hates me too XD
Have you ever been fired from a job?:	...never had a job...so, nope
Have you ever taken something you knew belonged to someone else?:	lol...yah
Do you overuse smileys?:	...trying to stop with the XD's...
Who is better; Madonna or Blondie?:	Madonna...probably
Who is better; Elton John or Billy Joel?:	...wouldn't care
Do you know the song Total Eclipse Of The Heart?:	...can't say I do
When was the last time you ate something?:	like 7 hours ago
Name three website you visit every day::	tickle, livejournal, and myspace
Have you seen all of the Jaws movies?:	just the first
Do you have Entomophobia?:	nope
Do you know what Entomophobia is?:	...yah...a fear of insects...righty?
Have you ever worn black eyeliner?:	duh...still wearing it
Have you ever worn blue mascara?:	...nope
Ever spiked your hair?:	uh...not for long, but yeah...when i was testing new looks
How long have you had a computer?:	ever since i was 5...yeah, but it changed over time
Have you ever written something, and published it on the internet?:	...many times
Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment?:	yah...my wuzzles XD
Do you like Starbucks?:	yepyep...especially in the winter...my gosh
Have you ever owned a kitten?:	...yah...it stayed for one year and eventually left out into the wild cause of our stupid dogs...
Is it raining where you are?:	now...i wouldn't know...probably just a drizzle
When was the last time you played cards? (not on the computer):	um...early January
Can you play chess?:	yeah...but on the computer, i get beaten and in rl, i always seemingly win
Ever owned a pair of the original Nikes? (white, with only a single swoosh):	nope...and don't care, nor plan to, either
Ever worn leg warmers?:	...nope
When was the last time you read a book over 700 pages long?:	like...i just finished one yesterday XD lol jk...around two weeks ago
How many people are on your IM friends list?:	um...around 100...still not much
How many hours of sleep do you usually get?:	uh...during the day, since i'm noctural, around 5-8 hours
Have you ever drank cherry coke?:	yeppers
Do you prefer using pens or pencils?:	probably bold pointed, felt pens
Have you ever skipped for a long distance?:	lol...yah and quite recently too...
Have you ever had a black eye?:	...once or twice upon my life

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
sitting at my computer talking to my wuzzles XD
2. Who are you in love with?
luff ya Alex
3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
um...nope
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
uh...yah, it's on this computer screen...and it's light pink...oh the horror
5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
uh...like last week, for some big preppy conformist girl, who is living with us...(no offense to anyone XD)
6. Are you wearing socks right now?
...duh, otherwise i'd be freezing right now
7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
i don't drive so nope
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
i don't drive
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
...nope
10. Are you hot?
...uh...well...uh...let's have a sexy party!1 *sings* XD jk...nope
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
coffee XD
12. What are you wearing right now?
...o_O...just socks...lol jk...normal clothes...duh
13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
i haven't a car
14. Last food that you ate?
...um...some weird fish XD
15. Where were you last week at this time?
...at home...at my computer...same place
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
nope
17. When is the last time you ran?
yesterday...
18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
don't remember...i hate sports (except for some)
19. What is your favorite animal?
...omg...a red panda XD awws
20. Your dream vacation?
...i'll get back to ya on that one, lola...lol XD jk
21. Last person's house you were in?
my aunt's
22. Worst injury you've ever had?
...uh...well there's a tie between two
23. Have you been in love?
...yah...i think i am in it right now too
24. Do you miss anyone right now?
yep...dreadfully
25. Last play you saw?
don't remember the name
26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
...my secret weapon...haha...a whip XD lol jk...uh...my vampiric charms XD lol jk
27. What are your plans for tonight?
to sleep
28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?
...ooh...don't remind me...
29. Next trip you are going to take?
...we dunno yet
30. Ever go to camp?
yah...stupid place...haha...i shot marshmallows all over the place...and used silly spray or whatever on the admin's building XD funny
31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
...yah, had to be
32. What do you want to know about the future?
...answers...i guess to some of my theories...then again...
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
god no
34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
let me just say...i hope not
35. Where is your best friend?
...somewhere i long to be
36. How is your best friend?
...well my first best friend is dead...and skipping all the others and leading to my best friend right now...i would have no clue XD
37. Do you have a tan?
...i would die if i did
38. What are you listening to right now?
MCR
39. Do you collect anything?
knowledge...and souls lol XD jk
40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
...stupid preppy conformists like the one i'm living with
41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
around late November
42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
yah
43. What does your last text message say?
uh...i dunno
44. Do you like hot sauce?
nope
45. Last time you took a shower?
uh...like...recently
46. Do you need to do laundry?
...i have to...cause they make me...uh...but for me...nope
47. What is your heritage?
...to rule ppl XD lol jk...uh...to be different from the rest of the human society
48. Are you someone's best friend?
yah, i hope XD lol
49. Are you rich?
average...lemme say
50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?
...probably helping one of my friends out...and thinking about Wuzzles

1. Have you ever peed your pants after age 8? nope
2. Who do you have a crush on now? wuzzles
3. Would you date someone you met online? uh...dunno...i think i kinda am...o_O XD
4. Do you wear deoderant? duh
5. Do you hate yourself? sorta, then again...we get along
6. Have you ever met a celebrity? yah, myself XD muhahaha...jk
7. Do you like tongue twisters? kinda
8. Do you have a boyfriend? depends on how you look at it...
9. Do you know how to drive a car? yeah, i do...was driving motorized vehicles ever since I was 18months to tell you the truth...
10. Have you ever been camping? yep
11. How many times a day do you go on myspace? uh...probably once or twice a day...so, it depends
12. What was the last movie you saw in a theater? don't remember
13. Have you ever cut off a limb? o_O...rephrase?
14. Where did you get your last email from? uh...some random chain letter person, who i fail to remember her name...yah
15. Favorite website? i dunno
16. Are you ghetto? nope
17. Will the world end in fire or ice? ...the world will end when i tell it to XD
18. Do you believe in the external world? ...yah
19. Would you cry if MySpace stopped working? i doubt it
20. Do you have a blog? yah...three really
21. Have you ever been on a roller coaster? yep...and i luff them
22. Favorite year so far? uh...dunno yet
23. Do you consider yourself religious? lol...in my own religion, yah
24. How do you usually dress? uh...like me...which is usually tight everything, added with accessories XD lol
25. Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point? nope
26. Would you eat sushi? yah...i luffles it XD lol jk
27. Would you smoke? nope
28. What is your favorite sport? ...probably some kind of skating, besides ice-skating *shrieks*
29. Do you believe that animals have souls? ...well yah, kinda...
30. Who did you last talk to? Alex
31. What is one thing that annoys you? annoying people XD
32. Do you believe in God? ...depends on how you look at it...a higher power, yah...
33. Have you ever fallen in love with a neighbor? ...never
34. Last time you saw your mom? like an hour ago (thank goodness)
35. Would you be president if you could? haha...i hate government
36. Do you like cats? eh...they're ok, and kinda fluffeh...and me luffs fluffeh XD lol jk
37. How are you feeling right now? undescribable and cold
38. Do you have a soul? ...lol...u make me laugh
39. One best friend or many good friends? one best friend
40. Do you believe in spontaneous combustion? ....dunno...it's kinda weird
41. Mom or Dad? oh...damn...i would rather live alone thank u
42. Is it Pet's Mart or Pet Smart? Pet's Mart
43. Do you like the band Radiohead? ...dunno
44. What is your favorite female name? to tell ya the truth...Alexandria
45. Have you ever shoplifted? nope *looks around* unless you count stealing people's emotions from them in stores...then nope XD
46. Do you think Snoop Dogg sucks? ....uh...nope
47. Have you ever driven a Ferrari? nope
48. What do you call those little plastic things on the ends of shoelaces? lol...i know i know this...omg...i feel stupid...haha...jk...uh...i don't call them anything? *what are you staring at? hmm?*
49. Have you ever walked more than a mile? duh
50. Do you believe in magic? nope...then again...depends
51. Have you ever been suspended from school? yah XD lol
52. Have you ever skipped school? ...well...i kinda can't
53. Explain what you think about hippies. hippies are the way of the future...lol...jk...uh...why should i care...
54. New York or California? California (NY...been there...done that...three times...stupid gigs)
55. Have you ever been dumped? yah
56. What are you wearing right now? a shirt...and jeans
57. Favorite city? dunno
58. Collar popped or normal? normal
59. Have you ever asked someone out? yah
60. Do you have any collections? knowledge
61. Ocean or pool? the ocean (even though...it's so salty and stuff...lol...i don't like getting in it though XD)
62. Fridays or Ruby Tuesdays? Fridays
63. Do you want to go to college? ...yeppers
64. Have you ever gone to a mall? duh
65. Would you be my friend? ...uh...o_O i luff u, computer XD so sure
66. Why do you like the music you do? because it explains me and helps me
67. Do you read much? ...sometimes, when i'm bored out of my mind
68. Favorite country? ...hmm...dunno
69. What is something you wish you were better at? me doesn't know again...
70. What's your favorite album/CD? Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge - My Chemical Romance
71. Hamburgers or cheeseburgers? ...cheeseburgers...then again...
72. Planes or boats? planes
73. One rumor that's been spread about you: ...probably that i was a slut...(stupid preps who try to take influence over the smart one...damn them)
74. Who is your newest friend? Alexander or Wuzzles (muhahaha XD luff ya)
75. Have you ever sat on a rooftop? yah...stargazing...moongazing...w/e
76. Last text? ...on my phone: i have no clue...but i know that i did get one XD
77. Do you drink soda? yah
78. Do you like yourself? ...i dunno yet
79. Hot or cold? cold
80. Do you play an instrument? ...the piano/keyboard...and some other instruments
81. What's your favorite movie? Contact...then again...it was like the last thing I saw XD lol
82. Would you date someone older than you? yah then again, real age doesn't count because one cannot prove it does...it's just made up, technically (bug me about this if you want my theory XD)...so age doesn't matter
83. Do you believe in love at first sight? ...i wouldn't know, probably not
84. Favorite type of sock? ...uh...a sock? probably ankle...i dunno how to say it XD
85. Do you drink alcohol? nope
86. Do you want to talk to anyone right now? ...haha...i am talking to who i want to talk to
87. Would you dress as the opposite sex? lol...i guess i kinda do...girly girl stuff...scares me like with the skirts and all...freaky o_O
88. Do you like to learn? yah
89. Have you ever been hit on by the same sex? ...nope
90. Where did you last go on vacation? Gatlinburg, TN
91. Yahoo or Google? google
92. Explain your religious beliefs. ...it's too fricking long...so deal without it XD cause i'm still a bit unsure, myself
93. Do you have a bad life? ...well depends on how someone looks at it
94. Favorite comic strip? ...Garfield?
95. Have you ever broken a bone? yah
96. Do you have any piercings? my ears...and planning for my lip...
97. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? nope
98. What name brand do you wear the most? ...Vans
99. Last time you were really really mad? two days ago...
100. What is your favorite flavor in general? hmm...there's a tie between strawberries and pineapples (o_O)
101. Name 4 things you always have with you: my brain, my body, my clothes, and my iPod
102. How many ex boyfriends/girlfriends do you have? 4 exboyfriends...yah...but then again, you couldn't really call them that
103. Why do you admire people? because...they aren't conformists?
104. Do you like sports? sports...in general...nope
105. Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not? ...depends
106. What is your favorite male name? Alexander
107. Do animals go to Heaven? ...would appear that they don't
108. Last time you saw your dad? uh...around an hour ago
109. What is your favorite hair style? ...fringe..with a side bang...and dye it black and stripe it with red...
110. Do you like your name? nope
111. Would you drop out of school or quit your job? yah...but then again...i'll be bored so nope
112. When you wake up, what is the first thing you think? ..."I'm going back to sleep"
113. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? about every night
114. What is the perfect day for you? talking with the ones who enlighten me
115. Last time you used the bathroom? like...around an hour ago
116. Have you ever failed a grade? Why? not yet
117. Have you met anyone online? yah
118. Have you ever smoked? no...and don't plan to
119. Do you like celebrities? haha...i could care less
120. Do you like travelling? ...yah
121. Would you go rock climbing? been there, done that and hated every minute of it
122. Do you believe in love? ...well i'm kinda unsure about that now...leaning towards yes and no...so...i dunno
123. Have you ever snuck anyone into your house? haha...not yet
124. Do you personally know any bums? ...lol...i have to answer? XD lol jk...uh...nope, unless you consider my grandfather one
125. Do you believe in aliens? dunno
126. Have you ever kissed someone? depends how you look at it...still
127. Would you sell your soul to the Devil? nope
128. Coke or Pepsi? Coke
129. Hug or kiss? both?
130. Bagels or chicken? bagels
131. What is your eye color? blue-green
132. Watching or playing sports? watching
133. Would you have plastic surgery? nope
134. Last phone call? ...for me...: around four weeks ago
135. Do you have a girlfriend? haha....yeah, and i love her....jk jk jk...eww...calling me bi again? i think not...not going back to that, i think XD
136. How do you align yourself politically? ...hate politics
137. Do you have any pets? Why? yah, six dogs and two horses...i dunno
138. Do you believe in soul mates? ...dunno
139. Do you stop to smell the roses? yah, sometimes
140. Do you like taking surveys? mm...they r kk
141. Have you ever stolen something over $20? yah
142. Disney or Warner Brothers? WB...
143. Do you know how to drive stick? yah, hate it though
144. Do you ever use your full name? nope
145. Do you get annoyed easily? sometimes...it depends
146. Would you eat human flesh for money? depends on what we're talking...capish? lol jk
147. Dogs or cats? dogs
148. Have you ever been on a road trip? yah
149. What's your favorite drink? water, i think
150. Favorite food? ...dunno
151. Do you like seafood? it's ok
152. Have you ever sworn? duh
153. Would you try to take over the world? haha...i'll be following under the help of wuzzles XD
154. Would you give me $5? never!!!1 muhahaha
155. Have you ever been asked out? haha...in a way, yah
156. How much cash do you have right now? lol...why are you asking? Well...90 Euros that I still have left over from four weeks ago...and I dunno how much in USD
157. Weekdays or weekends? weekends
158. Jeans or skirt? jeans
159. Do you want to get married? ...dunno, i guess
160. You're having a bad day. Who do you want to talk to? wuzzles...or just to myself, depends what time it is...*humph*
161. Do you study the Bible? no
162. Mints or chewing gum? chewing gum
163. Shorts or pants? pants
164. Name one person you hate, and why: ...lol...too many losers to pick just one and write about them....that would be an honor XD
165. What's your favorite store? ...tie between Vans and HotTopic...yah
166. One goal you'd like to achieve this year: ...dunno
167. Do you like cows? ...they kinda scare me
168. Who is your oldest friend? How long have you known them? ...i dunno
169. Do you like photography? yah, luff it
170. Pain or no gain? would rather, pain
171. Say something annoying. prove it!!!1
172. How often do you visit your myspace/xanga/etc profile? uh...once a day
173. Do you ever cook? yah
174. Have you ever been on a boat? ...it's weird...i didn't like it much
175. What do you do most when you're bored? ...either write, listen to music, surf the web, or hurt me...
176. What is your favorite musical instrument? i think... Bass
177. What's your phone ringtone? how would i know?...
178. Have you ever been in a movie? yah...long story though (talk to me if u must know XD lol)
179. Cappuccino or coffee? cappuccino
180. Have you ever been on a plane? yah
181. Have you ever seen Switchfoot in concert? nope
182. Would you run from the police? dunno
183. Have you ever been asked for an autograph? ...nope
184. Do you wear makeup? eyeliner...yah
185. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? ...?
186. Last hug? dunno
187. Have you ever been high... on life? nope...always been mainly, down
188. Sneakers or flip-flops? sneakers
189. Do you want to have kids? depends...but i find no reason at all to bring my children into this hateful world to live in pure hell...i would rather spare them their lives
190. Are you afraid of the dark? nope...it's my friend
191. What if you had three wishes - what would you wish for? dunno
192. Do you feel sad often? yah
193. Have you ever been in love? yep...
194. Do you shower daily? duh
195. Have you ever prank called someone? uh...hehe XD
196. Boxers or briefs? ...wouldn't care
197. You are about to die. What do you do with your worldly possesions? dunno
198. Have you ever bought a car? nope
199. What is your favorite type of music? ...either rock or alternative
200. What's your family like? ...weird o_O and like nothing you've ever seen before...

I think I find myself quite chatty tonight...morning...something, see my time zones so are so screwed up XD, so uh...morning to all the people of the USA XD

I would like to take this time though, to explain something that my family has decided to figure out, with my help, over the past two years.

Well, in those last two years, I started falling in love with computers and with that, languages and not just normal languages, computer languages. Anyways, and even though I haven't coded anything since like two months ago, I still know it. Wee!!1

Ok...so, we call me a living, computer virus XD In meaning, they refer to the fact that wherever or whatever I do, something bad is bound to happen. Also, I drain people, when I want to and I can get into your brain if I plan to too...but I doubt I would ever do that to some best friends of mine...(like Wuzzles...). Anyways, point is...we think I'm a living computer virus and heck, it might be true, because at random moments, something bad always does seem to happen and somehow it all leads to something I did.

Well, as they were talking about that today (my mom and my brother), I started thinking to myself...maybe my cure, -my opposite- would be someone good with computers and that led me right back into that earlier conflict I had with myself in sending Wuzzles (or Alex XD lol) that particular message...Anyways it all proves sense in my brain...maybe I need someone to hack and alter this particular virus...lol

And bringing that into human beings...someone who makes me feel different and that would be Wuzzles...I think...then again...I'm still unsure...but yah XD lol

Ok...so uh, I promised to list all the alternatives for Wuzzles...that I came up with, so Stripey, Wuzzles (duh XD), Fooey (and even though I use this word alot when I mess up or something...yeah it could be a name XD i think...), Yah (lol...how weird do I think?), and Cipher...then again....that would be kinda wicked & weird XD

Well no matter how stupid this message is...I can blame something...the night!!1 Muhahaha XD jk...




Ok...well my dog..that's what he wanted to do today...no sticks...just our porch...lol XD *whispers* we think he's emo too *stops whispering* lol...i have proof...aww...it's a growing emo bond between me and the Hopper (lol...his real name is Clyde...and we have no idea how his nickname came to be Hopper...so uh...don't question it XD lol) and yah, he has his head turned in a fricking 90­­­° angle and yah...he is a sticks and stones eater...however crazy that may sound...he is XD

Something I can't stand is the fact that people think you're suicidal every single moment because you seemingly act depressed and how they pathetically lie every moment to your face. Haha, I can see them all right now, well...of course, you're wanting to hear the story, I can tell...so...technically, I'll give you my day...why not?:

I stayed up all night, writing and contemplating my near-future actions and went to bed around 5am to be awakened, a whole 8 minutes later by my brother, who shook my bed like crazy because he had his "news of the day"...freaky, I know, but still. After he shared his mindless blob of useless information, I went to the kitchen to be bored to death, in waiting for nothing.
Normally, I would have went back to my room, but I wanted to do something different. Well, wait, I did go back to my room, and sent a letter to someone (and you know who you are XD) then I went out into the mist of the starting day and met up, on the porch, with Scarlett, our Saint Bernard, who thinks she's still a puppy.
Anyways, I finally left her and went wandering underneath the mist and in split seconds the sky was lighter...I can't really explain it, but it's awesome in how one sees one thing, shuts their eyes and boom!!1...sunlight is upon the earth. Better yet, the sun and the moon were both in the sky. I love when that happens, but I don't know exactly why I do, it just is amazing.
As soon as I was walking back from our far-backyard, and yah (XD lol) there is such a thing called a far-backyard to me, my brother's best friend who carpools with my dad, drove up with her mom. Now, seemingly, I forgot that her mother ever saw me, like I was, dressed in my current fashion and seemingly, Kali, who is the girl, told her mom that I was a depressed person, all the time now, so she's all fakingly going "Hey, Ashleigh...love your new look and I tried imagining what you would look like with black hair..." and it continued...ugh, was it annoying to watch such a person lie pathetically in front of me, uneasily. My gosh, how I just wanted to scream right there. Anyways...
Skipping the most boring part of my day, and moving to around 2pm, when my brother came home, I quickly cleaned the house and I have the most to do...so that sucks, but I'll deal with it. Anyways, he came home and it started drizzling outside, so I went on the porch, while he, as young as he can get, even though he's only 12 and turning 13 in July, he still loves to watch cartoons and their high-pitched animated voices, driving insanity out of us all, in the end.
Anyways, I was outside, fussing with myself over current random emotions that were just passing through me like air and so, that was alot, but still, with my desired practice, I channeled them away. So, I went back into my room, glanced at my computer, which I left on and vowed that I wouldn't touch it for two whole days, thus proving to my friends, who had no clue where I would be, that I wasn't there.
Well...around 4pm, my brother and I went out to latch ourselves (mainly him) onto the back of a four-wheeler and yeah...ok, when I was younger, I would love doing this, except now, he just annoys me to death so that I do, anyways. The point of this pretend "sport" that we call "grassboarding" is that you tie a fricking surfboardy-thing to the back of a four-wheeler (I have no clue where he got this idea from to tell you the truth...*sigh*) and someone drives it, while the "grassboarder" person holds on to some rope.
Ok...totally rednecky, I think...then again, how random can my life get? Right?...I agree. Well, after about throwing his stupid self into our pond...(lol...my bad XD), I kinda broke the stupid four-wheeler and like, pushed it back (ugh) and then again, I'm not gonna confess when they ask what happens...(ok, so I am lying a bit...fine, I admit it at least XD) and well, we had company over. Woo!!1 NOT!1...fricking annoying they are.
Uh...after escaping the horror of watching a movie with my family and their company, I kinda snuck back into my room to find an email on my computer.
Ok, so I started randomly feeling like I was losing it, along with some happiness, and small add-ons of wanting to run away screaming, but anyways I clicked it. Read it. Opened what I vowed not to get on again, to find Wuzzles (lol...found a name for ya, Alex XD), which is the opposite of Fuzzles, in case you're wondering (ok...so not THAT creative...I know, but sowwi XD I can keep thinking on it...though it took me like already 4 hours to find something XD I suck...ok? lol ok, well I came up with a couple...I'll tell ya in the next post though XD)
Anyways, of course we struck an interesting convo, but no one needs to know XD...uh, and as we were typing a couple of my other "friends" kept bothering me with some of their problems.
I mean, ok, only two annoyed me out of all. Most, I don't mind helping and I'm not even going to start on what they were about, but still. It didn't annoy me that much, because I feel compelled to helping out my friends in need, but not when I had to explain in rough detail to some people about some things. My gosh.
Anyways, another one of my old pals gets on and starts ranting on in an optimistic mode and tries to start persuading me to not kill myself...ok...suicidal thoughts on me...was two days ago...who's being a slow human now?...I wonder. Anyways...fricking annoyances aren't my best bet at the moment, but still.
Well...commonly, that's not my average day, but what I wouldn't give to make it that day. Just talking around four hours with Wuzzles and I still feel so enlightened. I don't get it, then again...I dunno XD I doubt I've been this happy in a really long time though, and from what I can recall...I've acted like I was happy, but I could never keep it up this long, for the four previous years and now, I think this is truly a state of weirded happiness that I've never felt before XD lol...so thank you Wuzzles...then again...part of me wants to just act with my random emotions, but...I dunno XD

So...I'm bored...I should be doing some more schoolwork, so my mom would stop bothering me to death...but I'll do so later. muhahaha.

I found this on one of my friend’s profiles and wanted to answer it for no reason...so:

The Basics
Name: Ashleigh (and would u be surprised...it's not Rhoswen XD lol I hate it though...)
Age: 14
Any Siblings: Just a brother...ugh
Any Pets: Seven dogs and two horses (...and they all hate me o_O)
Natural Hair Color: Blonde
Current Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Blue-green
Any Tattoos: Nope
Any Piercings: Just my ears...
Current Mood: Kinda Tired
Current Wardrobe Choice: A shirt, jeans, and a belt
What Are You Listening To: Silence
Who Did You Last Speak With on the Phone: uh...don't remember because it was a really long time ago...
What Do You Currently Smell Like: um...me?

Last...
Movie You Watched: Contact
Thing You Ate : um...I don't remember, but I'm drinking coffee right now XD...that counts?
Book You Read: one of my textbooks
T.V. Show You Watched: ...I don't remember
Time You Took a Shower: around 20 minutes ago
Time You Got a Real Letter: haha...who would write me?
Time You Ate at a Restaurant (not fast food): last December probably

What is/was...
The Best Thing to Happen to You Today: when something ever happens like that, I'll tell ya
Your First Vehicle: ?
Your Current Vehicle: ?
Your Bedtime (on average): around 3am...

Do You...
Store Things Under Your Bed: nope
Daydream: all the time it seems, but usually something that could be proven logical...
Have a Computer at Home: yepyep
Live in the City, Suburbs or Country: the country...but I still hate it here
Live in a Home, Apartment, or Mobile Home: uh...a three-story house...all our own
Own a Cell Phone : yepyep...never call ppl much though
Have a Good Luck Charm : um...not anymore...luck sucks
Collect Anything : knowledge...
Attend High School or College: online home school high school
Make Good Grades: duh...I have to...well, I don't have to...but still

Have You Ever...
Had a Surgery: nope...
Had Teeth Pulled: no
Broke the Law Intentionally: lol...bad me (that would be a yes...and many times I did so...without being caught...:/...shouldn't be telling ya that though XD muhahaha)
Ran Away From Home: who doesn't?...but I came back though
Broke a Bone: uh...well crushed in a compound fracture on my wrist...lol I hate my skateboard XD
Cheated on a Test/Exam: no...ppl cheat on me though
Had a Friend Pass Away: yes...
Been Issued a Citation/Traffic Ticket: nope, don't drive
Been in an Auto Accident: around four times now...but never anything seriously major
Lied to Someone: yeah, when I was younger...and on occasions
Been Lied To: ...uh yeah, but I can usually tell when someone is perfidious...

Your Favorite...
Place to Be: in the arms of some non-existent person XD lol
Place to Chill: in my room
Non-Alcoholic Drink: water, probably
Type of Food: ...I hardly eat...
Dessert: um...I dunno
Ice Cream: lactose intolerant...but otherwise, I can eat it still...so, uh...strawberry
Fast Food Establishment : I dunno
Color: ...black...or dark red
Season: winter
T.V. Show: I hardly watch television...
Smell: um...probably something fruity XD
Book: Catcher in the Rye...I mean, seriously...not jk
Children's Book: ...uh...dunno
Candy: hmm, dark chocolate?

Do You Believe...
In Karma: yes
In God: nope
In Heaven and Hell: nope
That Aliens Exist (extraterrestrial variety, not illegal aliens): lol...they are the ones ruling us XD lol...I dunno...yeah
That Ghosts Exist: um...no
In Horoscopes: sometimes...then again, I don't care
In Others you Know (family, friends, co-workers etc): depends...but I truly trust around two particular friends of mine
In Yourself: at some times

Your Opinion....
On the Death Penalty: ...luff it really...
On Reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in Schools: ...I think it should be banned...because it's pointless to me
On Homosexuals in the Military: people are who they are...so why should I care?
The War in the Middle East: I find it purposeless...and stupid...
Schwarzenegger...Governor or Terminator: like I care...
Current Gas/Fuel Prices: ridiculous...then again, a perfect opportunity to lead our society into stop being so dependent on the government...which sucks by the way...
On All Government Funding: I think people should take care of themselves...and the ones that can't, better start using their worthless brains to figure out a way...o_O...

---Well, find me a bit cold-hearted if you must, then again...everyone is their own person and no one can ever be exactly like you....then again, I believe that there are people who think alike...but never the same XD

...Well uh...this is a start of a bad day for me...I hate this day really, cause people love to pick on me the most. Ugh. Well, I'll deal.

Last night...technically around three hours ago now, someone saved me and I'm actually quite glad, then again, I'm quite numb and in no state of emotions right about now...confused I guess. But, to you (you know who you are), my friends(...some friends, right...they were trying to stop me all after my breakdown...they thought I still was on the verge of killing myself...ooh, how I hate when people do that...try to bribe you out something that you feel compelled to do.) say thank you...but some friends they are, right?...I agree.

To you too...I really have something to say, but I cannot make myself. I know I probably shouldn't...then again, I always end up saying what I try to avoid to say (but never in this case). This is different really. Well, I know you don't have a lot of time and if your reading this right now, I say thank you very much for everything and even so, reading this. And, I might not know much about you, and the same for me to you, but...nvm...

But, you know what I find that I hate the most? I hate realizing something powerful...something good that could actually happen and then finding myself losing it in the next couple of minutes, doubting everything...but I know what you told me...about this..."it's all apart of life...and it shows that there are good and bad things". You know you're right and I, second your idea. 

Anyways, I want to state a promise, to everyone really, but mainly to you. I shall never lie, ever, even if death tempts me...I'm going to die, but I won't ever lie. And, what I mean is that your thoughts on life...and mine...are around the same...and you know that means so much to me...because when you were gone and when I was down in my depression the most (except for that one time, four years ago) I tried asking my friends on what they thought about my more recent theories...and they came back with the most logical and common found answers. But you...you're different and I know you must notice that. 

But still...I have so many things I want to say to you, but I can't ever find the time...nor the gathering of my emotions to tell you, but I could never be more sure in my entire life...and I was positive that I was always sure before...but never like this, I swear.

Anyways...I guess I'll keep myself quiet for some while...and I'll hope that one day I can say...but here I am doubting that it'll ever happen. So...here I go, preparing to be bombarded with eggs, and eating a toothpaste oreo...god, i hate when they do that to me...I'm not falling for it anymore though XD muhahaha...so, uh...nighty to all XD

Random Highlights of the Day:
-I stayed up all night...and ok, that might be a good thing, but not when you're pouring your eyes out for about every second, because people are leaning on you (even though, you know your not a good standing point...or a very strong one for others, at that) and not caring whatsoever about your problems (even though I really don't like sharing that with my friends ((but only some whom I can truly trust)), because I don't want to send people whirling into my little, dejected world but only on occasions...like this one), and when you can't stop thinking about a certain person, but keep getting thoughts in your brain that send you reminiscing back to the past in reality and how everything always turned out for the worst and how nothing good ever comes along.

-My life is boring and incomplete as I don't know what, so...yay!!1 Not!!1...and I really think it's trying to bring me down with more confusion...as if it hasn't already.

-I swear, I don't think I've been my vegan self ever since I came back home two weeks ago...and that sucks. But then again, I blame the stupid French people I was staying with for making me fricking eat rare steak the night before my flight...ugh...well, I dunno if it was steak really...and that freaks me out o_O. And, I can't stand to think of what...ah, nvm...but really I can't, but I shall keep that to myself.

-Ok, another add on to my family...and an add on that I hate. My aunt. My fricking crazed aunt, has to live with us for a while...and oh, she just has to use my fricking computer!!1...see, I knew the world hates me, because we have like two other fricking computers, but of course...mine just has to be voted the best out of all of them...such a lie, because...ok, well my computer is probably, but the others are in working condition...I dunno...nvm

-I'm still depressed for my friend and I've been on the verge of being suicidal since yesterday...but I'm hanging on to something (that same something keeping me alive right now) I don't even know what...and that annoys me greatly.

-My mom won't fricking shut up and she loves pissing me off, I swear. Same as my brother, being as so, today. But...like anyone could care.

In all...my life, I guess, "sounds" better than most, but then again, when people look at me and ask me why I'm so depressed, they only see the shell of my life, that pretending shell of lies...not the emotional insides that I feel. They would rather just look and ignore, rather than search and understand. But, in all...it's my problem, right and why am I sharing this? I have no damn clue whatsoever...like always. 

But...on the better half, it's raining...yay? I dunno...rain, I guess holds an escape for me, but only if I could get out the house without running into some conflict that I forgot to take care of...damn this life.

I have a friend...and one, that I've not known for only but some while, around a couple of days. And, I swear, I've never met anyone in this whole world...like him. It's like, we think exactly, or about the same things, on random subjects and it's amazing, because...I don't know, it's just awkward that there is someone (the only person I've found so far) who is on the same track, same level as me.

I'll tell the truth though, he's everything I always wanted in a friend...maybe more than that, but he doesn't know he might could mean the world to me. He doesn't know how I sit up, waiting for nothing, at night, just so he can talk to me on my computer screen. And, he knows not what I know, what I think about him and that kills me more. As if we're both not depressed so far into ourselves, already.

But, I fear for him, and no, I don't pity him, I respect him and what he wants to do, but yet, I do fear, and that is something I NEVER do, not even for myself. I mean, this could end up killing me again, for I only have a bit of my heart left, and no, I'm not opening that, but, you never know. So far and as crazy as this may sound, I think that love (yes that same love that hates me) has found me but doesn't know it. I don't even know if I am making sense to myself, but I know, I feel that. 

We're broken, we're torn, we've fallen apart, but together, we can stitch ourselves back, but not into two pieces, but one...but that's something of the inevitable, that will never happen, because we both, tend to doubt it. Or, at least I do...